my life

i’m new here so i’ll do a run down on my life.
my family has always had a problem with depression. most of my family has died from either suicide or cancer. growing up pretty much knowing i was gonna be depressed sucked. it was always so hard for me to find friends. i was always the “weird fat kid” that no one wanted to be around. my family (in my eyes) was always pretty and skinny and very popular. my cousin who was my age was always noticed, while i was always looked over and ignored. when i was in 2nd grade was the day i learned i was going to have a rough life. i found my sister lifeless in a pile of empty bottles. she turned out to be okay after they pumped out her system, but i will forever know that i found my sister almost dead.
in seventh grade, i met my best friend. she had also struggled with a tough childhood and she had depression. she showed me everything she did to make it feel better. she would cut, burn, and torture herself until she couldnt take it. i always helped her though it and eventually, i got her to quit. for 2 years, everything was okay. no depression, no nothing.
near the end of eighth grade, my best friend tried to kill herself one day out of the blue. nothing happened, but it worried me enough to throw me back into that dark path. for the first time ever, i hurt myself over it. who would know that one cut would change me forever.
in high school, i continued to self harm. tortured myself until i couldnt take the pain or i would pass out. i kept it a secret from everyone but that one friend i had. i refused to tell anyone. she tried to get me to tell my boyfriends, my parents, anyone. but i refused. i eventually broke down and got help from a therapist. i love her, but she does not help at all. i am now a senior in high school and i dont know if i can last. my depression is worse than ever. maybe ill wind up like my family. maybe not?