My life is a Ongoing Storm. I don’t want to fight the waves anymore.

For years my life has been on massive storm after another. Few times I’ve been the sun shining in my life. How long can one person swim in crashing waves? My tears have been enough to fill any ocean. I’ve been alone almost all my life. I’ve always been a clean cut guy that wears his heart on his sleeve only to people like knocking it on the ground and stomping it to dust. All I ask was for a simple kiss, a hug that last, and someone to love. I’ve had several brain tumors only to have  100% of everyone to run away thinking you can catch it. I’ve just can’t take another storm. I have no more tears. Too many pick my self up moments, too many start overs. My life is a storm and I pray every day God keeps my head above the waves. I have my plan to end it. A few more bills to pay and I’m checking out of this world. I’ve given all most all my stuff away to my kids, just my car to pay off. I’m going to find a pretty place in the mountains to set up camp and then end it all. I don’t think anyone will find me. I’ll probably be lunch for some animals. I just found the sea is so much prettier under the waves, no storm, all calm, but you have to give up everything to stay underneath the storm. I pray everyday I don’t see another tomorrow. Am I the only one feeling this way? Something is just wrong with me. I tried my damm hardest to love someone 100% but never enough. I have no fight left. Am I alone on this too?