A week ago today I tried to OD on some pills. I though I had gotten the dosages right. Turns out I just woke up in a pile of my own vomit.
Since that time, the only phone calls I’ve received have been from telemarketers. I haven’t gotten any emails from friends or family. I’m unemployed so no one missed me at work. If I had died, I think the only person who would have missed me would have been my landlord. He only would have missed me because I wouldn’t be paying rent anymore.
It’s ok though, it’s just going to make it easier the second time I try. I’ve just got to try something more efficient. I’ve been reading about suffocating myself with helium, sounds promising.
Or, maybe I can just jump in front of a train. At least then someone might notice me.
2 comments
i noticed you here. I hope you are still alive, and things are allright.
If you hide yourself away, no one will notice you. Killing yourself isn’t going to get you ‘noticed.’ Your death might be discussed in the news, but you won’t be able to enjoy the attention. If you want to be noticed, *you* have to make an effort to be there for others. People don’t tend to stick around when someone becomes closed-in and unavailable, so it is up to you to try to meet and talk to people. I know it is difficult, but I’m sure there’s someone around you who feels the same way you do, and having that little bit of validation would make all the difference.