Well, idk…life.

Hello life,

You are everything and nothing at the same time
and letting go of what controls you here, is the hardest thing you’ll ever face.
Once you realize what is right and what is hate,
even aside from all the pain.

How do you live? How do you avoid this pain?
They say you cant live that way,
but I never reply. I don’t care to explain.
I feel pain, even avoiding it all the same.
I feel so much pain. Every. Single. Day.

I’m not avoiding the feeling of loosing to the world.
I’m already dead, emotionally to this place.
I sound apathetic? I am.
You want to see me empathetic? Well you won’t.

I see colors of only grey
and pictures of no place.
I try and forget the lump in my throat, from tears on the way
and the shaking that follows from my anxiety everyday.
I hide away, seeking the impossible escape.

No one understands why I am this way,
not even I understand how my life’s gotten so much in the way,
of me simply living each day.
I want to be happy, someone please just show me the way.

I pray to make it stop
I pray to make it all go away.
I’m barely holding on by strands now,
I don’t know how much more I can take.

I cut skin through this process.
But why would you want to feel BUT more pain you may ask?
but it is not pain that I want,
it is an escape from this place.
The bloods the distraction,
but my life always stays the same.
My life is my heartache,
I can not try and understand why it has been placed with my name.