Why do I always feel like this?

Ever since I was 10 years old a force came over me telling me to kill myself, telling me that I hate my life, and I do. Everyday I wake up only because I can’t sleep any more, or worse, I have to go to work. Everyday I look at my goals in life and realize they are all unattainable, just like my previous goals that I’ve failed to achieve. And everyday things look just a little bit bleaker than the day before. So, I want to die but don’t have the courage. I’m 27 living at my parents and am in recovery from drug and alcohol abuse but I’m even more miserable now than when I was using drugs. I’ve done everything from counseling to psychiatrists to home remedies, I’m sure if you mention it, I’ve tried it and still I’m unhappy. The only time I’m happy is when I’m high but that is gone now because it was making my life unmanageable so I left it behind me and moved back in with my parents. All the so called friends I have just keep me around to use me at their will and I let them because if it weren’t for those “friends,” I would have no one in my life except my parents. My parents are my only real friends, the only people that love me for who I am, but even they want me gone, out of their house, and for good reason I’m nothing but a piece of shit with no courage and no drive. I’ve tried to leave the house before but I can’t make enough money with my jobs to keep up to date on my rent and it seems I never will and without my own house how will I ever get a girlfriend? I’m so lonely and so desperate for love that no one will love me. I hate my life and just wish I could die so why does everyone have to be in the way, saying I shouldn’t do it? Why do they want to keep me from happiness? Am I keeping them from theirs? I’m tired of waking up everyday. I’m tired of having dreams that will never come true. I’m tired of lying to people and them lying to me. I just want to rest in peace because this life is not peaceful, is not happy, is not fun, is not what I see it is for others. I see all these people and they have friends and partners and love and then I look at me looking at them and I look miserable because I am. What is the point of this life?