my life is so pathetic and I’m only going downhill. In school, I have to bring a razor with me, such as when I’m in math class and I’m craving pain, or to watch my blood flow down my arms and through my sweater; I ask for the bathroom pass and walk slowly down the hallway watching my feet as I step. Razor in my sweater pocket. I go into a stall and make sure no one is in the stall next to me, just in case my blood drips on the floor. once I’ve made about 12 adjacent cuts to each other, I take a roll of the thin, cheap, shitty toilet paper my school supplies and wrap it around my wrist tightly. I have to put some in my pocket because it’ll seep through too fast. Then I go back to class with my head down of course thinking low of myself. Remembering my therapist telling me “Jaymie, one time cutting; I’m sending you away.” sometimes I think of that as a threat but others I know that without her voice in my head, ill just cut too deep and it’ll be the last time I breathe and cut again.