Let me start like this…
Is there anyone here who’s dealt/is dealing with this eating disorder?
I am asking this because I think I’m gonna be starving myself for the next few months. I have strong reasons for that. First, food’s just started to make me sick, literally. I hate the way it tastes, smells, looks. I hate having to eat all the same things lately and I hate the urge to throw it all back up after. That’s not all. Besides, I’m not willing to spend as much money on foods as I used to, cause now I need to save my money for ‘more needed’ stuff. And the last, but not the least, – I intend to seriously weaken myself so that it’ll be easier for me to kill myself. This damn body has way too much fight, though I’ve no idea where it comes from…but when it comes to self harm, it resists too much, as if my brain no longer controls it. I repeat, I am not doing this out of Â ‘thinspiration’, and ‘look like a model’ stuff, of course I’m far from being happy with my body but it has nothing to do with my weight (I weigh 100lbs if I eat 3 full meals a day, and can eat whatever and whenever I wish without gaining more weight), so the purpose actually is quite morbid – not appearance, but rather death.
I already tried various ways to get diabetes and other diseases, but it never worked. I’d do drugs, but I have no access to them. So, that seems to be the only way to ruin my health.
I need some advice from your personal experience. I’ve heard many girls fighting anorexia claim they got put in (mental)hospitals and force-fed, did that happen to you? I am just wondering, cause, well, I’ll be turning 21 in a matter of months, so… I am fully an adult then does that mean if someone finds out they won’t be able to take measures without my consent? I mean, my mother is likely to notice me getting thinner, she’s gonna be concerned, but CAN SHE DO ANYTHING AGAINST MY WILL? Nobody knows the way I feel, I don’t visit therapists or any other doctors at all, so everybody is pretty unsuspicious. Glad I’ll have to starve for only a few months, as I’m getting closer to collecting the required sum of money to buy a gun(!!!), but still I’m anxious. Of course I’ll do my best to try and conceal my ‘new state’, but what I fear most is, what if, accidentally, I pass out when I’m not alone, then… what? They’re sure to take me to the hospital since I don’t usually do that. And once I’m there…Here comes the point – WILL THEY BE LEGALLY ALLOWED TO DO ANYTHING TO ME??? Or will they just tell me to eat and send me home? Please tell me the truth, because I can’t handle any risks. If it’s still a risk, then how do I make sure I never pass out? How do you control it? If you’ve never been anorexic and none of the people you know you could allude to their cases either, then just don’t say anything, cause like I said, I need trustworthy info! I’ll also be looking on other sites too, but I thought I might encounter some help here as well.