got a nice philosophical buzz going so what better time to empty my head. i have finally gotten through to my emotional self that my mental health “team” are not my friends. speaking about my shrink specifically. i am not stupid i realize that is business. i am a number and an insurance check. he sees x amount of clients per day times two clinics. but the emotional girl in me didn’t want to see that. she was hoping for a “working friendship” for lack of better explanations. she had embarrassed me greatly. so what is the best way to lick ones wounds and salvage some face? go the opposite direction. detach. remind myself that i am just another patient and when my time is up onto the next. i find myself detaching from family and friends. pretty easy to do. the ultimate goal is to detach from the world. no more rants, raves, or emotional outbursts. just quiet acceptance of the way life is going to be. and what might need to be done in response.
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There are some; a genuine few….that care about you and want to really help you….but sadly most of them are in it for the money….when you walk in they set a timer….pretend to listen then they recommend some form of anti depressant that has all these weird and dangerous side effects but that doesn’t matter….you’re “ill” so you need meds….oh and if you even slightly mention you’re considering the dreaded “S” word while in their presence expect to be involuntarily committed and observed until it is declared that you are no longer a threat to yourself and others….
“I find myself detaching from family and friends. pretty easy to do. the ultimate goal is to detach from the world. no more rants, raves, or emotional outbursts. just quiet acceptance of the way life is going to be. and what might need to be done in response.”
^This …. Man I can relate to this soooo much… I have been doing the same thing…