Okay, well everything first started when I was in 8th grade, I got accepted into this really awesome school and I was so happy that they would even accept me But when the time came to go I got freaked out. My mom told me that I was making a huge mistake when I left the school and I kind of knew I was . Well now I’m at this really shitty public high school and I feel like such a moron And to make matters worse every time I ask my parents to please take me out of it they remind me of my mistake. I know it is my fault. I know. I feel like they hate me and I feel like I’m the mistake. My mom, my dad and even my sisters look at me like I’m low. Like I’m something they stepped on. well thats at least how I feel. Me and my mom used to be so close and now she has a boyfriend which I’m happy she does but it seems like i don’t matter. Every time I try and talk to her shes busy with her boyfriend or she huffs as to warn me to leave her alone. My sister tells me I’m a retard for wanting to leave my current school. When I asked my dad for help he said he wanted to help me but when I recently tried to get help from him he literally said you should have told me earlier and now doesn’t want anything to do with me. He’s also always to busy with his FAMILY. I thought I was his family. I thought family was there to help you. I have tried committing suicide four times, by pills, but every time I did I would throw up everything and be left with lower abdominal pain and a headache. My mom noticed one time but all she did when I told her what I had do e was put a heating pas on me and told me to lay down. She didn’t even care to take me to a hospital let alone ask me if I was okay. I know I’m being dumb to want to die so bad but that’s just how I feel all the time I feel like a waste a space , like a  mistake created by two people. Two. People who don’t really seem to care about me. Seriously don’t they care when they see me crying dont they care that school makes me want to die And before anyone asks if I’m being bullied, I’m not. I have at least four to five people in every class I talk to but I still feel alone and I still feel like I don’t matter. Why do we have to go to school? Why does everyone obsess over money? nothing in this world was created by us and everything that we have made was made by the the products of the eart. We don’t even get a good education and all the teachers are always in a bad mood or favor a certain group. I seriously hate this world and I don’t know why we don’t have the choice to leave it when we want to.
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You need to breathe number 1. A lot of deep breaths. And try and calm yourself and think of something relaxing. (not meditation, just get your mind in a peaceful state if you can), and then you need to think about where all your pain and sadness and loneliness could be coming from.
Why did you decide not to go to that school? Did you truly want to and psyched yourself out cause you convinced yourself you were unworthy? Or did you just not want to? If you didn’t want to truly, then congrats, doing what you want is a positive thing. it’s part of being an individual, healthy human being. If you decided not to cause you feel unworthy, then you need to get to the root of why you feel unworthy? Negative self talk? Is it warranted? could you change that self talk if you have it?
Also, I picked up from your post that your parents are divorced. Did that have a negative affect on you that could have caused you some issues? Divorce sometimes puts a burden on children although, it has nothing to do with them because divorce comes down to two people not wanting to be together anymore, not parents getting rid of their children, it seems that is how you feel. That your parents could care less about you. Maybe they are inattentive. You should bring that to their attention. Tell them how worthless they make you feel and how it is not okay. Tell them how irresponsible it is to make a choice to bring a life into this world and then to not nurture that life.
If it comes down to it, you may need therapy, a sort of objective opinion to help you work through what’s at the root of all of this. Even when it feels like “we’re sad for no reason” and stuff like that, there’s always something there. Loneliness, hopelessness, self-loathing. And all those emotions are traceable too. You can figure this out and get your life back.
Just remember it’s your life, and you only get one, and you are the most important person in your life so you should tell yourself good things about you. I hope the best for you and hope you get past this hard time to live a great life.