when I’m around him, I think I’m happy. But then I leave, and I start remembering how miserable I am, how fucked up I am, how not-normal I am. I just need to die. I’m not cut out for living. The only reason that I exist is to be used by others. No one cares enough to ask how I am, and actually mean it. He does, but when I say I’m fine he believes me. Am I that good of a liar?
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5 comments
No one is a mind reader…..you can’t expect him to know you’re lying…..tell him the truth….why lie if you want him to know?
PnL is right.
Besides a real relationship has to share not just the good moments. Hell, it is fighting through the bad moments that you will treasure – that is where you find true solace. KNOWING that the person will stand by you.
Give him a chance to be “that” person. Honestly – what have to got to lose? You are on a path to destruction – might as well try seeing if he can help.
BTW – sounds like you may have BPD. Have you been tested?
No, I haven’t been tested. Right now with dad retiring from the military I don’t get too many benefits, and I can’t pay for anything quite yet. Besides, I’m under the suspicion that they’ll lock me up or something
Kallian,
your a geat liar!!! so am i, people don’t want to hear the thruth aways 🙂 i think your normal and everyone goes thru what your going thru, accept life isn’t a bowl of cherries and just do the best you can, reality is a ***** but once you accept it, it goes down easier.
Kallian,
Getting tested is cheap.
I do not know where you are from, but in the US (midwest) there are plenty of FREE councilors (based on your income). And they will never lock you up unless you express that you WILL harm yourself or if you are unsure if you can be safe.
And if all of that is too much – then email me and I will help you in whatever way I can. I am a huge fan of the military and their families – they deserve our support.
Best wishes