I’m just so tired of it all…

I’m tired too, I think that I’m living cause I can’t leave others and sometimes I donçt understand why I make all this effort… But we don’t have to pretend to be fine, you can cry and scream loud as you want to release your pain… There’s people that care about you and would go thru all your pain with you… I don’t fear going through anything with you, even your darkest days. And time will come when she’ll be old enough to thank you for caring so much that you lived for her and struggled for her–just that she could have such a loving mother.

I can’t cry either, when I cry people look at me and all they can see is someone who “has it all” but is suffering in vain, god knows why… But do yourself a favor and lock yourself in your room and cry as loud as you need… when I think of losing him and having to be alive, fuck I can’t even bear this thought; since I’m too tired and all I want is death. You said you can’t let everyone down..but guess what, I’m someone who won’t ever feel disappointed when you need to cry or feel suicidal.

That’s how I cry too, only when I’m alone in my room. Well, that’s how I cry when I ALLOW myself to cry… Their judgment made me feel that i can’t cry, shedding tears is too hard now. So don’t ever stop crying if you need to cry and scream… Believe me, when she gets older she’ll be thankful for all you went through during every single night of crying… I know it’s fucking unfair to say that “oh in the future it all will compensate , etc”…but honestly, thats how things are right now.. Look forward to your future with her knowing that youre not alone.