Anyway, i realized they took away my ability to post new posts and shit. I’m guessing I was posting and no one could read them. I will keep this short and sweet. I know many of you used to know me as a preacher and someone who was happy and wanted to help. FUCK THAT. This weds, I’m catching a bus via H2S. If anyone is in the area of NY and wants a ride, let me know. If you think I’m bullshitting check the news wed and thurs. I bet somewhere will be a mention of a “detergent suicide” which is really just Lime Sulphur mixed with Hydroclhoric ACID (toilet cleaner). Bet you will see a story about a 27 year old man committing suicide. My email is motox555000@yahoo.com. See ya guys.
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Your email address begins with motox. Do you have a motorcycle?
No, i just picked it randomly. I really used to like this game on n64 called ricky carmichael motocross 2004 or soemthing like that. prolly more like 2000 lol.
I remember Ricky Carmichael. That guy did nothing but win back in the late 90’s or so.
They seem to ban people and delete posts willy-nilly.
I’m confused….like what caused the sudden and drastic change? …. I mean you have only been here since august….so what changed in your mind from then until now that made you flip sides like that?
Don’t get me wrong you have the same right as everyone else to suicide but I’m just curious about the sudden and drastic change of mind
As I recall the previous account name posted at least a few very rude and insensitive, inflammatory comments on other threads … not exactly conducive to community and camaraderie … it’s one thing to have a difference of opinion … it’s another to call an incest survivor a “dumb whore” … so, it should come as no surprise that the account was suspended … hopefully the lesson is learned that bullying is senseless name calling is not helpful here. i suspect not so i don’t predict this account will fare any better than the last one.
premonition dawg
It’s the daily struggle to manage an inescapable torment. You spend your life looking for relief, while swinging back and forth between incredible sadness and anger. Sometimes you feel great empathy for everyone… and other times you just don’t care, and you feel like there isn’t a reason to be nice… and maybe being a jerk to this world makes you feel better for a few minutes… but then it whips around and bites, like a dog or a snake or any other animal protecting its own backside.
It sucks. I’ve been there, many times. Sometimes i manage to balance on neutrality for a while, and get a break from being angry or sad… but then being numb gets old too. Why live if you can’t feel it, or can’t allow yourself to feel it, because you only ever have sadness or anger?
It’s like you keep spinning your wheels, trying to pass the barrier so you can reach whatever “happiness” is… and you can barely remember how it felt… and you just can’t seem to reach it again. You’re blocked from happiness, and there’s nothing you can do but keep smashing against futility, or give up. It’s the most simultaneously depressing and infuriating thing ever. You’re screaming inside, you want to cry, you want to lash out and shatter every piece of glass within a mile… but you don’t want anyone to know you hurt this much… because they’ll just belittle you for being unable to be happy. And all you can do is take it. And keep taking it. And keep trying to remain civilized and behave appropriately… but everything is just so… bad! And you start to think that maybe who gives a shit how anyone feels. Not you. Sure, they care how they feel. People who care about them care how they feel. And deep down, even you care, at least a little bit, how they feel… but you just can’t stand to be passive anymore, or keep pretending it’s all fine, and that you’re fine, and that it’s okay that life is this way… that people are this way…
And there’s a certain disdain and contempt for those who seemingly choose to make themselves feel worse than is necessary, while it feels like your own misery is not your own choice, but was imposed upon you by another, who chose to cause misery instead of making things better… and “those types” even seem to be rewarded for their foul, vile, heinous influences upon the world… and you just can’t stand it. And so you encourage yourself to be hateful and do what it seems they do… because it seems like that’s what the world really wants, and so you want to show them just how mean and nasty you can be… even though deep down, it disgusts you… and you just want to scream, and smash, and destroy, destroy, destroy.
But ultimately, it amounts to self-destruction. If you self-destruct, you don’t have to be part of this disgusting world anymore. It wasn’t what you wanted… until you stopped trying to avoid being made into the monster it feels like the world always wanted you to become.
Or maybe i’m just projecting, and trying to relate.
While i think certain comments have been distasteful or offensive, i kinda feel like i “get” what dude is feeling… sort of. It’s unfortunate that abusive comments are given as a result… but things start going weird for just about anyone, once the torment becomes too much.
Anyway… just sharing some thoughts, really.
There are plenty of ways one can voice and display disagreement, dissatisfaction without being purposely vicious and hurtful … sorry – but being purposely hurtful for the sake of causing maximum pain, especially when someone hasn’t even spoken or addressed the attacker even indirectly, much less directly, is nothing but a exercise in taking personal pleasure if causing injury to others … it’s revolting
it has all the effect and purpose of kicking the neighbor’s puppy because their parents grounded them and took away their PS3 … there is zero justification
irked dawg
I actually think there is no excuse for calling an incest survivor a whore. Yes, we all have terrible pain and that’s why we’re here. We are sometimes angry and probably most of the time incredibly miserable, but still that is no excuse. I actually feel no need to hurt anyone, especially those who are already hurting. If anything, I hurt for those who are hurting. I wish to say things to comfort them, although it’s difficult to find comforting words when I don’t see anything in this world other than torture and difficulties. In any case, even if someone is the most angry person ever, they do not ever have the right to hurt someone. I’d understand if he was lashing out at someone who has wronged him, but that wasn’t the case. We are all just depressed, emotionally damaged people trying to find an outlet to share our thoughts with others who will understand how we feel.
clevername, great post. That’s the bowl I’ve been circling for the past 6 years. My problem is that I never ask for help let alone beg for it, but I will always help those who ask for it. Kind of sucks, because deep down I know I only do it anymore to stay relevant, to convince myself that someone else wants me around, maybe needs my input. Then they ride it and seem to really believe that because I grant my time, then that must be evidence that I exist for them. I can’t live this way for the sake of merely staying alive. Unless a person is fortuned enough to have a family or community that acts as such, it seems the division created by the multitude of con-artists is initiated so that the lone individual who is not the willfully ignorant participant of a bankrupt system will wither away on their solitary vine all by them self, without any direct prodding less they decide to become “one of them”. But becoming “one of them” is wrong and unsustainable because the model of deception and lies is itself a ponzi scheme of finding, or worse, creating fools to fuel a baseless way of life. I have no idea how these people can look their child in the face and tell them they love them. But I guess apathy and blind eyes are cool these days, in the same way stupidity, recklessness and aversion to reality is celebrated.