I’m tired, and finally sick also, of trying to get there in one shot of idealism. i need to find a way that’s compatible with both theoretical ideal world of mind and dirty, dark reality. and since i cannot bring the former down, i’ll have to somehow push the later up. but again not in any unrealistic way. i guess i’m getting it while i’m writing it. i need to use the very energy of real things and need to somehow direct them towards theoretical goal. the energy need to remain the same, with same properties and characteristics, so that no duality can arise again, but still directed towards a goal. but i’m not at all sure if i can ever be able to direct those demons. how am i going to convince them when they are already satisfied and at ease with the position they are already in. its not they who are suffering, its not they who want to change, its me, ME; it me who is suffering from this dual life… the life of mind and the life of body. how i came to create all that theoretical world and ideal life and have all those hopes and dreams? what’s the problem in being bad? what’s the problem with simply living life of a materialist and sensualist? how came i reflect? and more importantly, how came i find it bad when i reflected? hell i don’t have that well memory. what i know is this duality has already created and i’m being sandwiched in it. and i’ll have to merge them somehow otherwise i’ll go mad.
so i was at convincing my demons towards a higher goal. how will i convince them? that’s the only thing that’s lacking. otherwise i made out a whole full fledged plan last evening…next to perfect (as always 😛 (sarcasm on myself, in case u got a wrong idea)). i know what to make them desire and how it will be practiced and applied in daily life and how it will eventually bring me closer to my goal. but i just don’t know how to make them desire it. i really don’t want to force anything this time; i fall on face when i do so. i don’t want to explicitly push myself, or keep reminding myself of this plan whenever i forget pushing or get lost…i want it to go on its on, and me just being aware of it, but not trying anything. the point is i get lost. the point is they are all too happy in their attachments with things as they already are. the point is – my willpower is not strong or versatile enough to give and keep giving that push. i know my will is biased, towards mind, but that isn’t proving to be much of an effective advantage. i don’t know what to do here.
to be continued…
i guess i’ll keep updating this same post in case i move ahead, not for anybody else but for myself.
4 comments
always pay attention to the way things connect, the way things interact, the interconnectedness of it all.
Think integration. Do the life you want to live. Start from where you are, and consider how to integrate your most important goals, with each further step you take, starting now… but don’t get too discouraged if it all becomes too much, sometimes. That’s just part of being organic and mortal. You’re going to feel weak and disjointed sometimes, while other times you might feel like a well-oiled machine riding a laser-beam to a destination.
Take care of your body, and it will help take care of your mind.
Take care of your mind, and it will help take care of your body.
Integrate both goals into a methodical approach, and things will sort of take care of themselves. But you have to keep driving it. Each body and mind, are merely parts of the whole. An integrated bodymind/mindbody, becomes more than the sum of its parts.
When you have an explosive thought, take it as far as it can go… but be prepared for the recovery phase that follows. Learn to adjust to be able to use this feat on a regular basis, without suffering too much blowback or downtime.
It’s kinda like running, but with your mind. The more often and further you do it, the better you will be at it, and the easier and more automatic it becomes, and the less recovery you will need between sessions. Eventually your brain can become a marathon sprinter, while your body can become quite capable of taking the physical steps toward creating the right environment or reaching the right destination, so that the self can be maximized, both in efficiency and efficacy.
Don’t resist the mind bias. Sometimes non-parity and imbalance is required, to generate the desired motion, in the desired direction, at the desired moment. Learn to go with the bias-spikes. Learn to get unbalanced and rebalanced. Learn your limits, test them, then use them to get what you want. Never over-extend, without very good reason to believe (such as lots of practice) that A) the risk is worth the potential gain, B) you’re not doomed if you miss.
I think you’re on the right track already, i just felt inclined to offer ideas. Good luck. ^^
thanks clevername. i do see the importance of things you have written. these are kind of long term wisdom. I’ll always keep them in memory.
there is one thing i have noticed in life: often you don’t understand true meaning of a thing until its right time come. there were quotes i read when i was 17 and easily understood their literal meaning. but its only now, when i’m experienced and mature enough for them, that i’m realizing their true meaning and what they actually meant. i think its the same with your suggestions and ideas also. you have passed through all these things.
a quote from Nietzsche: “you look up because you want to be exalted; i look down because i am exalted”
Man, finally there are some really intelligent people on here that seem to walk the same paths in their mind that I find myself on all the time. Very refreshing to read something as mentally stimulating as this. A few of you have popped up the last few months where everything you post is always very interesting to read.
Yes, how to make our demons work to our benefit instead of our destruction, what a wonderfully frustrating challenge. Reminds me of the Pantera song, “By Demons Be Driven”. Not necessarily the entirety of the song itself, but obviously the song title.
When I was younger and was able to harness that classic teenage angst, I think I was able to put my demons to good use. I used my anger and dissatisfaction to exercise, stay in shape, and try to change the world in the immature ways that I thought were important at the time.
The tides shifted as I entered my 20s and the demons started to instead work against me.
Everything clevername said above is so true, and I already am so familiar with it, but I still struggle to put it into action. Yes, you have to start from where you’re at. Envision the life you want and the person you want to be, and with each action and choice throughout the day, pause to ask yourself if what you’re about to do is what that theoretical “best version” of you would do, and if this action is going to bring you closer to getting there. I’m still stuck in the phase where I know all day long I am making choices that do not bring me closer to where I want to be, eating the wrong things, not taking care of myself, etc. I feel dissatisfaction for making the wrong choices, yet apparently not a high enough level of discomfort that I am willing to stop doing it yet.
Quaero I also totally get what you mean about wishing not to have to force it all the time. People always talk about will power when it comes to facing difficult challenges in life, but I find that anything that really requires you to battle your will power on a step by step basis is not a battle that you are ever going to win. Will power is used to try to achieve things that, in actuality, you DON’T want to have to be doing. Because if it was something you absolutely wanted, you would pursue it with joy and ease and will power would never enter into the equation. Something being a battle of will power means that you’re trying to force either your body or mind onto a path that it really doesn’t want to be on, even if it’s a better place that you’re trying to get to. And any time I have tried to engage in a battle of will power, I have failed. Will power is needed when you are trying to fix something that deep down, on some level, you really don’t feel like fixing yet. Only when you really truly want something will you not need will power to get there. At least this is how I see it. The common belief seems to be the total opposite; when you want something bad enough, you will find enough will power to conquer it. I guess in a way I’m saying the same thing. When you want something bad enough, that will serve to increase the will power to the point that you don’t even feel like it’s a struggle anymore. As you said, wanting it to be a process that you don’t really notice is taking place, not something where you constantly have to kick yourself back on the right path and remind yourself when you’re screwing it up. I guess others call that having a lot of will power, whereas I see it as removal of will power from the equation. I guess will power is needed when you want something, but either your body or your mind are too lazy to agree to want it. Getting in shape for instance. The human body wants comfort. It wants a warm bed all day long. It never truly wants to be exerting itself and suffering and sweating. You can work out to the point that you FEEL like you start to enjoy it, but left to the natural process of instinct, all our bodies seek out is comfort and safety with the least amount of energy required to get there. So will power is a part of trying to walk a path that our naturally lazy minds and/or bodies really don’t want to have to walk on.
So yes somehow all the ducks need to get in a row and all the stars need to align, and you need to trick your mind into pursuing something without it actually being a pursuit, without it being forced and stressful. I haven’t yet completely figured out how to do this either. I too would like to use the energy of my “demons” to take me good places in life instead of holding me down at rock bottom. I have a lot of energy and frustration and perhaps even anger, that if channeled into something useful, could probably propel me very far. But unfortunately the anger started to turn inwards and I took it out on myself and ruined my own life. Relationships, careers, the condition of my physical body, all have been sacrificed at the altar of not having the energy to give a f*ck anymore after trying so hard for so many years and never feeling like it paid off.
How to put a collar around the necks of our demons and use them to our advantage… a very interesting conundrum indeed.
its actually very relieving to find that i am not alone in thinking that way. it gives assurance that i’m atleast not blundering with my life. otherwise i was thinking that others might laugh at my saying of trying to direct demons.