Why ? I ask myself so many questions but I can’t find the answers. And each time I wake up, I only find myself so ugly in the mirror, I’m covered in mud and I can’t do anything. I’m not clever, neither shaped in a good way. The only thing I want is to help. “Who ?” you may ask, everyone. I wanna help anyone who truly needs it. I found it. I found her.
She’s the one I clearly want to help, I’d give her my life if I can, I know she’d use in a better way than me, but once again, it’s impossible. What can I do now ? How should I help her ? She’s crying everyday, she’s blaming herself because of the others. And now, it’ll be even more difficult for me to help, I’m going far away. So what ? I should quit ? Let her die ? Seeing her spreading her blood all over disgusts me. It disgusts me of her boyfriend, of her, and at last of me. It’s like watching a dramatic story on Tv, knowing the end and can’t do anything.
Everdyay when I turn on my cellphone, I’m afraid of having a message from her. I’m afraid of reading what’d be her last words. Knowing she could send them to anyone and finally decide to send it to me. I can’t bear it. Who am I ? Not enough to be closer to her, and still I’m here to steal her time from others. I don’t wanna live like that. I wanna give her my life. Cheer her up. I feel like someone on the side of the path of the Life. I’m here, waiting for someone to pick me up. And whenever someone come by, I just offer them my help even if I can’t do a lot. Eventually, they accept, and eventually I betray their trust.
I’m writing all of this here knowing she’d eventually read it. She won’t realize it’s from me, but I think it just relieve me to write it up. It’s the first time I post here, and I think I’ll come back soon. I’ve got so much things to say to everyone in my life, but I’m such a coward to tell them in front.Today, I just wanted to write the basis of my relationship with her, so I won’t tell much more about my life or anything else, just tell how I fell right now, thanks for all of you for listening to me.
Good Night Everyone …