Why did i have to meet you? Â Why did I fall in love only to have my heart crushed? Â Was it just one more thing to confirm my decision? Â I guess that is what I have to believe…It would have been so much easier not knowing you, not believing I was loved, not feeling happy again before its over. Â But it was a facade. Â Now I lay here crying knowing I have given all my love and energy to someone who just took it for granted and can’t understand the significance of someone loving you unconditionally and giving you everything and leaving nothing for themselves. Â All I wanted was to be loved, but you are a traitor. Â You have betrayed my love and trust and yet I still love you. Â You can never say I didn’t love you to the end…my final gift to you is dying so you can forget me and live your life happier without me.
My plan was in motion long before meeting him, so please don’t read this as I’m going to kill myself because of a guy. Â I just wish I wouldn’t have had to go through all of this, especially so close to the end and especially because he’s the only one who knew of my plan yet still chose to betray our relationship. Â I don’t think he took my thoughts seriously even after seeing the scars on my arms, but neither have my friends, family, or psychologist. Â Oh well, I was feeling guilty leaving because I thought he loved me and I didn’t want to hurt more people, but he’s happy with someone else so he doesn’t have to worry about me anymore and I don’t need to worry about affecting him with my decision.
3 comments
It hurts, god dammit it hurts. Nothing is worse than discovering the love of YOUR life with another.
I laid in bed for 2 days, sobbing. On the 3rd day, mostly out of pride, I wrote him off, took a shower, got dressed and went to class. I wanted to be better than him. I made it my goal to make sure he fully regretted his decision. I started running – god that felt good. It’s like the anger and hurt melted away along with the jiggle in my legs. One year later I met an amazing man. Someone who loves me unconditionally. Someone who would go to the moon and back for me. Someone who would hold me, kiss my scars and make me better. He makes me better.
Let me know if you’d like to talk sometime .
I can relate, I’m sort of going through some similar things, have been for the past few years. One important thing i realized is that it was never a waste sure it feels like it at first. But that happiness I felt thats what life is about and maybe he wasn’t the right guy for you. U have to have hope you have to love yourself. The most important thing in life isn’t finding someone else to love you or care about you but rather to be loved and cared about by yourself. So don’t let go of hope hold on to it cling to it.
I have no plans on falling for any other guy or being loved again. Its not fair to the person to be with someone like me. I know I put him through a lot, but this was the one thing I begged him never to do. I gave him so many opportunities to just leave. He knew of all my problems but wanted to stay…then does something like this is like pulling the trigger himself. I just can’t wrap my mind around someone purposefully choosing to hurt someone in this way. I guess I am from the other extreme. Always trying to help others before myself. I guess he’s not the only one to blame though. I could have left early on knowing getting attached to someone was risky, but my heart overruled my mind.
You are right alina_01, we can’t rely on someone else’s love to survive…and I’m not going to. It just would have been nice to not have more pain added to the other reasons pushing me away from this world. Trust me, there was more than enough already – rubbing salt in the wounds I suppose.
My feelings have shifted. I saw him today and felt nothing. But as soon as he left, I was in tears. He hated when I would cry, but that doesn’t matter anymore. I guess a good thing that is coming of this is I don’t have to hide my crying from everyone else. Its “normal” to be sad after a break-up.
I think the worse part of it is that our parents are going to be hurt because of this. Why introduce me to your family only to do something like this? I’m sure he’ll make up some story since lying and deception are his specialities, but its not fair that I can’t even say goodbye to her…