I understand that eating disorders are awful things and that people regularly die from them but what if that’s what I want. I like being hungry. I’m either starving or cutting. Either way, I don’t see a point in trying to get out of my cycles. The only plausible option I can find is to end my life.
The only thing stopping me is my brother. I don’t want to screw him up too bad. Maybe I’m not giving him enough credit. He’s a big kid. He could deal with it. I can’t think anymore.. I feel so helpless. I’ve been through all the therapy, medications. Nothing works. I just want to sleep all the time. Sleeping is like a less permanent form of suicide.. The only down-side is when you have to wake up..
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You love your brother and that is fortunate for him and unfortunate for you, because he is your tether. Is he a good enough reason to try harder? I don’t know. I don’t know him so you tell me.
I don’t want to try. I just want to find a way to do it without hurting him.