others others others. how much i’m obsessed with others. everything has turned upside down. the things that i used to despise in others have all now come in me…really, all of them. i used to despise lies & hypocrisy, and now i’m myself hell of a liar; i used to promote individualism, and now so many of my opinions are shaped by others; i used to despise their shallowness, and now who is more shallow than me. as Morpheus said when humans became slave of machines, ‘it seems fate is not without a sense of irony’. or maybe all these things were always within me, just in a dormant state, waiting for opportunity. and they got it when that first self doubt made its appearance. or could it ever be otherwise? my mind could only detect those things that it itself contained. its just that at that time that vision was directed upon others and now it has turned inwards; that looks better explanation.
things that they start promoting immediately holds a special place for me and become a kind of taboo. they promoted education, and i suddenly developed an aversion to study. now they are promoting job and i’m doing my utmost to not get it. tomorrow they will promote marriage and all that and then girls and related things will also become so. whatever is still left good in me is that which they haven’t yet detected. its good that they don’t care about philosophy and thinking. whenever i think about doing what i love or pursuing a career in it, this horrific thing of it also becoming a taboo comes in my mind and i forbid that idea immediately…i’m better keeping it just as an interest rather than corrupting it with others.
what’s good what’s bad, who decides? others. fucking others! what am i – an image of them, a collector of their shits that they have filled in me. their opinions become my opinions, and then what does it matter whether i choose for or against!…its already corrupted…it should never had been my choice in the first place. alcohol – good or bad? oh fuck you! i’m not gonna choose. you see, the moment i concern myself about choosing on a question raised by them it becomes taboo for me. i only like things that are mine, just mine. they have a purity in them, choicelessness, doubtlessness, whereas things that involve others are always corrupted, doubtful. religions call for doubtless faith, but is it even possible? either one is religious or one is not…you cannot make anybody religious! converts are worst.
why is internet english based?
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to answer your last question — internet is in english mainly because America thinks they run the world. and also because at one point England really did try to run the world.
I think this quote relates to your situation
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt, she seemed like a wise woman and has a lot of other good quotes.
The problem as it appears to me is that you’ve focused so much on the negativity of others that it’s no wonder you’re starting to reflect it and see it in yourself. We all have bad and good so trying to measure it is like counting sand grains. What I’ve come to know in my own experience, the more you look for bad in others, the more you’ll become like those you despise. The more you look for good, the more you’ll become like that. It’s wherever your focus is directed.
“anybody fighting monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster” – Nietzsche
maybe you are right…but then i recall my time before ‘that period’ and i see i was quite like what i’m today. what this middle period did is that it created a difference. then i would simply be bad, now i suffer from being bad.
another quote somewhat related to it: “we are all in mud, but some of us are looking at stars”. unfortunately i’m looking more at mud.
alcohol is bad or good?
Hell it is good,are you kidding:)
i knew i chose the wrong example. i just wanted to point out that i am not going to choose from choice people put forth…and i couldn’t think of anything else other than alcohol at that moment