Final countdown?

I am not going to say that the time is coming closer as closer might be a few years. I actually have a strong will to live but for what? Oh I know “just to make sure my own biological family will never have to carry my coffin”. Just to make sure my mom is happy, I don’t want to see her cry or heart broke anymore.

Why ? Don’t we all ask ourselves that?
Suicide is an impulse and is not really premeditated, it’s a response. Like reflex.
What do I have to life for?
Some of you might have seen some of my posts. It’s come a very long way for me and planning and thinking of others might pay off.

a) I believe in heaven
b) My method is clean and will not leave cleanup work for others “how selfish”
c) Leaving my home country South Africa for a Country further up in Africa that has loads of savages.

1) I don’t want any family member carrying my coffin. So my body will not be found. Africa has enough places where a person could just disappear from this world. Burn all things that might leave a clue to where I might be from.
2) No letter “no reason to mourn” however there would come a time that they might come looking for me, places that I have left. It will lead to a dead end”
3) I think in time they will know what have happened it was clear and those who lead me to this little journey will realize what have happened.

So for those following I will continue to update the daily memoirs. Until then I hope some of you have a better life, a manifestation that took you out of this little depression. For those of you hanging onto live by mere threads….I salute you as I know how hard it is. God bless you all.