I can’t live with everyone’s expectations of me. I’ve spent some months taking care of a relative who’d suffered in a road accident. Now the situation is getting better so everyone expects me to return to my PhD and start a great career in science.
To be honest, the only thing I want is to be alone somewhere, stay indoors all the time and sleep.
I can’t read a single book on my research, it makes me sleepy. I can’t babysit my relative + cook and clean for everyone. I lose my patience all the time.
I know many people are in a far worse situation than me. I’m lucky to be healthy, to have a family and all.
But I still dream of dying in my sleep, or jumping under a car, or running into a maniac, or something.
6 comments
Were you like this before becoming a caregiver?
You are depressed. Perhaps caregiving threw you off-track, took you away from what was spurring you forward. Time to get back. Have you tried exercising? It helps. If it doesn’t, see a doctor. You have too much going for you to give up.
I’m a writer and getting published is a lottery. I feel like giving up too. I sleep too much. So I understand. I’m trying to get out and move more, get my energy back. I hope you find yours.
Yes, sometimes, but it usually passed after a couple of days.
Thank you for understanding. I thought about exercising too, but it has a strange effect. Sometimes I feel full of energy, and sometimes even more devastated.
A lot of people suggest exercising and it can help. But not by itself. You need to find a way to just be comfortable being you. A truly happy person can go to bed at night and just lay there awake with only his thoughts. No distractions. And be content. And actually enjoy the alone time. It can be one of the hardest things. You need to try to set goals to get to that point.
I think this is the main question – how does one become happy with oneself?