So I have this plan to move away without warning anyone and just live a new life for a little while. I’m 18 right now, I graduated in June but I’m still living at home and going to a community college nearby. I can not stand my parents, but I tolerate them because they provide me with a home and food. I’ve never been a typical rebellious teenager, I’ve always been a really “good girl.†I got really good grades in high school, I don’t drink or smoke or do drugs, I had a lot of friends in high school, I played sports, teachers and other staff members loved me, I go to college full time, I have a job, when I’m not working I help raise my 7 month old nephew, and I genuinely just want to help people. I’ve also been diagnosed with an eating disorder, anxiety, mild OCD, and depression. My parents don’t know how unhappy I am, I stopped talking to them after they tried to hide the school counselor’s concerns that I needed help. They were ashamed of me and it was at that point I realized I didn’t want or need their support. Right now I’m saving up money. My entire life my parents sheltered me and made me put on this show so everyone would think our family is perfect. I’m tired of being surrounded by insensitive, fake people who pressure me into hiding problems instead of confronting them. Living with my parents and sisters is all I have ever known, but I just have this feeling that this isn’t all the world has to offer. I know moving away won’t make me love myself, the eating disorder won’t magically go away, the anxiety and depression will still be there, but I think switching up environments could really help a lot. I’m afraid, I don’t know where I would go or what I would do. I just don’t want to die having never really lived, you know?
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im very sorry to tell you this but im almost exzactly the same and yes i moved but its not the place, your problems will remain with you wherever you go its a brutal truth and im sorry your feeling this way and that i most certainly didnt help you at all but i figured i would prepare you for the road ahead
I know my problems would remain with me, unfortunately. I do appreciate your input, do you still see your family?
I think there’s so much beauty out there.. if we could find the courage to leave these prefabricated life we have been told to live, we would be -if not happy- at least better off.
I understand your feeling, i had it too. But to say it and to vent it, and to actually run away, it takes an enourmous effort.. i didn’t find the guts. I’m 2 years older than you, i wish you’ll make a better use of this time!
You’re still very young, you could still do it! I’m not sure if I have the guts either, but who knows! I just want to experience something new and completely different.
That’s one thing I love about the Army; you’re far away from it all.
Even if you’re training in the local area, sleeping in the bush at night in some mud-filled hole with sporadic machine gun fire, it feels like you are miles away. Most of the team would (whilst away from home) talk about missing home & their families, me on the flip side would show joy at being away from… my life as such.
I’ve done quite a bit in life, seen a few things that have defined me as a person and informed my outlook on the future. I can see that in your 18 years on this Earth you’ve done quite a bit too, although none of it really screams “independent woman”, not to say that none of it matters of course.
A change of scenery could well be what you need, experiencing life on your own may open your eyes to new possibilities , and really let you live life. However, I’d like you to seriously think it through, as venturing out on your own is a big commitment and you need to stay safe. It is true, that your depression and eating disorder will not vanish but why would they? They are forever a part of you, and will join you on the rest of this journey irrespective of how they affect you.
In short; think it through, talk with those you have confidence in to gain their thoughts/feelings and ultimately commit to a decision in either the immediate or not too distant future.
Yes sorry it took me so long to respond, I definitely need to thoroughly think it through. The only things holding me back are my two youngest sisters and my nephew, I’m not sure I could leave them. I want to talk it through with some people, but I’m going to wait awhile. I have honestly considered the army, I’m just not sure if I could handle it with all of my preexisting issues.
I found your post because I was writing invitations and searching the internet for a quote I had heard and wanted to add which inspired me to get the most out of each day, it was thinking about being old and not wanting to come to die to find that you had never lived. I might have missed the point of this website but after reading your post I felt compelled to write a comment. I understand I can not understand everything you describe but I can tell you one thing, you write beautifully and from the heart that shows you have such a strong inner spirit that I believe you could achieve anything or go anywhere you wanted to. Your responses to other comments show a strength that you should be very proud of and at 18 years old, you are right, you do have so much to do and to see. Certainly to different degrees its true but every family annoys each other in some way. You don’t need to cut them off completely, travel, go exploring for a while and come back to them. Accepting them and yourself gives you a freedom to do and be as you want. If you are worried about the financials- you could sign up with a reputable agency and try being an au pair in another country, most of my friends who did it absolutely loved it but a few didn’t so they just came home. Others signed up for summer camp leaders and some just got bar jobs and went travelling. Who cares what people think or what feelings they want to project on to you- that’s their issue- you are amazing- never forget that and its your life to start living. Everyone makes mistakes but if you learn to not take life so seriously and enjoy it, those mistakes are the bits you will look back on and laugh about. I am 40 this year, I’ve made plenty of mistakes but i wouldn’t change a thing, this life I have is my own book to write, not anyone elses and I curious what’s out there for me, I want to make a long, full book. Even if the book I end up with is terrible- its mine- so who cares!! One of my mistakes was waiting so long to realise it didn’t matter if I wasn’t perfect or if people looked down at me for not conforming to their idea of how I should live my life- Who are any of us to judge anyone else? Its never too late to experience the world and I’m not saying the world is perfect but at least give yourself a chance to go and see it. For example, Thailand is beautiful, the people are amazing and as poor as they are, would give you their last bowl of rice. There are charities set up everywhere who would love to have somebody with your qualities go out in the world and help others(while keeping you safe, im not saying be reckless!)- If that’s what you want to do, do it and if you realise you do want to stay where you are at the moment then try to let the negativity around you go over your head, sign up with charities or agencies because even if you decide not to go now, sometimes even just knowing you can change things if you want to gives you the strength to stay where you are and stop feeling trapped. You are entitled to change your mind, so leave, stay or come back, its your decision. Generally I’ve learnt that things/people/situations never change quickly but they can change and who said if you decide to leave now it means having to leave everything else behind permanently- you can always return if you want to no matter what anyone tells you because you are your own amazing person and please never listen to anyone who makes you feel otherwise xxx
This was honestly the nicest thing I have ever heard from a stranger. I barely remember writing this, but not much has changed. I’ve always wanted to write a book myself on my personal struggles, but not yet, I need to live a bit longer first. I have also considered joining the Peace Corps. I’m not sure what will happen or where I will go next, but thank you so much for commenting. I wish you all the best, I would love to read your book someday.
Here’s what will happen. You will graduate, find a full time job that pays enough (not necessarily in that order), and rent your own place.
You WILL remember the first night in your new, crappy, cheap, WONDERFUL apartment for the rest of your life.
Because it is when you will taste freedom. It actually has a taste, people tend to think this is just an expression, but it isn’t.
Good luck! You are a strong person, and you will make it happen.
Parents can seem wonderful when you only see them at Thanksgiving and Xmas.