so, where do i start.what defines me is not where ive been or what ive done; at any second who you are can change. with the passage of time nothing remains the same. And it seems ridiculous to say i dont know who i am, and really i dont. I someday wonder if someone can truly know who they are. or maybe a self identity is never established and people just grow comfortable with there surrounds and are like, meh fuck it.
i often picture the moment of self realization to be played out like a movie, where the sun shines to brightly over the top of the tree’s and everything just gets crisper and clearer and shit,poof i move on with my life and are much happier, and basically live happily ever after.ridiculous right?
i wish i could just begin one of my stories with ‘and somebody told me’ instead its ‘i recently realized’, makes me sound a bit assy and conceded. like oh yeah, i have all the answers.
i also which i could begin and end one of these posts around a central topic instead of ten. but fuck, i dont ever get what i want.
so with each passing day ( and sentence apparently,) i lose focus on what i … want/ believe? i just dont know anything anymore.
i originally wanted to excel at life and climb higher and higher until i was in control of my life, but now i fear im just to lazy and unmotivated. I seem to be content with working my job and moving out. oh throw a car in that mix too. And thats kinda sad, thats the complete opposite of me from four months ago.
i dont know, i may just be turning into a sad excuse for a human being. I walk around and look down on those who are content with just living, but having no life. and here i am doing the same.
With each grain of sand, my world begins to fall.