I told a friend that I have some problems with loose dogs roaming round my house, & I need a firearm to drive them away. I told him in a very convincing way that I need just 3 bullets. I think he believed me, & I know he can bring me one.
I really want to shoot my heart to die in peace at once, but I want to stay alive till May or June as I planned. it’s very difficult to see a loaded firearm ready to shoot & resist the motivation to commit suicide.
what should I do guys???
86 comments
Take up pottery. That’s what I’m going to do and make pots for suicidal people, maybe a vase if I’m feeling adventurous.
forget the gun
@Duke of Marmalade
i’m not joking.
@Wifeisgone
but other methods dont have the chance to kill like a gun, its my opportunity?
I remember you saying you’ve got kids. You could do stuff together and find reason to keep living.
drowning, in combo with pills,,,, which is how i tried.
can be very effective if “done right”.
if i ever get as hopeless again as I was that night. I won’t mess up next time. Next time I’m wearing a eight belt, 30 pounds already keeps me on the bottom when I’m diving, even in shallow water I have to force myself “up” to breathe, so combine that with the effects of pills, etc, it will work.
@Duke of Marmalade
u r right. but my life is very complex, the kids won’t need me anymore.
why do you want to stay alive up to may if you have suicidal thoughts?
If I had children… that would be a very good reason for me to want to live. They would never recover from a parent’s death, and suicide would be worse than an accident or terminal illness, as they would know that you had a choice.
Trust me, I’ve been there (in that kind of headspace). I got past it and I’m not seeking a way out anymore. I won’t try to end it unless things get to a desperate point in my health or living situation.
Maybe you can overcome this, too. Think of your kids. They must bring you some joy, yes?
And of course they need you. This is just your depression talking. Depression makes people say: “I’m no good. I’m not worthy. I’m a waste of space. I’ll only ruin your life.” Et cetera. This is caused by low self-esteem and these kinds of beliefs are generally untrue.
@Wifeisgone
i hope that night won’t come again.
why it didnt work with u? why do i need the pills in that?
i love to torture myself, but i might won’t dare to do it 🙁 .
@closetochristmasdeath
well, i want to make some money for kids before going.
you should send the gun to me….
@Persephone
OK, things really get to a desperate point in my living situation. i’m sure that my existence is not good for kids anymore.
Of course they will. Identify the main pillars in your life that need strengthening and work on it. The longer you’ve had these suicidal thoughts, the less likely they are to go away on their own.
Why do you think your existence is not good for kids? Might you elaborate?
@PainNlife
I still dont have. I thought i’m the lonely one who was looking for it.
I dont know how I lived, really. I made one last call to my wife, left a message in the middle of the night, telling her goodbye.That was my “mistake”. I had already kissed my mom before I left the house, I went and picked up a prescription I knew I had waiting (but didnt get for that purpose). I went to my “place, a very quiet area of water with currents. I sat there for a while, thinking about everything, then drank, then went face down in the dark water/swallowed water, I remember that much. Then nothing until I remember being escorted (in the daylight) into a vehicle and taken to the psych ward. I spent 3 days there.
I had a loaded gun in the car that night, just didnt use it, wanted to go the way I am most peaceful, in the water, since I am a diver and spend as much time under as I do on land.
Somehow, some way, I dont know how, I lived. I should be dead. After all, I had more than enough Ambien in me to kill a few people, then going face down, passing out… I really dont know. I didnt see any angels, have any NDE, none of that. Some “force” I am not aware of must have done “something” in the middle of that night. This was a completely deserted place, at 430 in the morning, noone was or ever is there.
if your last thought goes to your children means that you’re a good mother, and if your kids need your support means that they need also you as a mother, despite you think otherwise. isn’t this viewpoint a good reason to live in your opinion?
Of course the choice is yours.
@Duke of Marmalade
Trust me i did my best, cant do more.
Then last week I go to the doc. He looks at my liver test results and tells me he has “never seen anything like it”. I have been on strong anti fungal meds for 9+ months, he expected it would have at least damaged my liver some. Nothing, no damage.
Combine that with previous accidents I have been in where I should have been paralized, killed, and all “nothing”.
I must have a purpose here, although I am lost as to what that is, really. I do nothing but suffer now, wife leaving me affects me day and night. I have no job, lost friends, interest in things, why I am here, I do not know.
@closetochristmasdeath
Thank u for supporting me, while its very hard to post this.
@wifeisgone: I feel so bad for you ): I think that I can understand a bit what’s tormenting you day and night.
@Melissa Suicidal: my pleasure
@Wifeisgone
Oh my! Sorry for your agony.
Are u reading in my heart? u just mentioned my feelings exactly, broken, lost, no friends, no interests, so no hope.
We share the same feelings.
But, like you, I currently still have family (in my case mom, your case, your children) as well.
Most of my family couldnt care less about me or mom, they are too absorbed in their own lives. When Fernanda (wife) filed for divorce, we needed money for a lawyer…. only my aunt helped,,, none of the others at all, they didnt even call us after hearing the news. I had one aunt tell me she wouldnt help because she didnt want to pay interest on her credit card, yet she just came back from a 7 day Carribbean cruise.
Friends….. I do have a couple… so I can’t say “no friends” really.
I odnt know how this will all turn out any more than I think you really do yourself. I wish you did stay, you have something to live for, really.
I’ll wait it out for a while, see how it all goes…. Once mom dies, I will be alone in this big house. I hope its a long time away of course, coz I dont want to see her go, but she is 88 and her health is going down (especially since Fernanda wants to throw her out of the house now to get “her share” of it).
It’s difficult to be optimistic when it feels like an impossible situation. Everyone is different. I know I can’t find any improvement at all without being medicated.
Shame . . cruel Fernanda, she doesnt deserve a nice guy like u. My happiness was very short with my lovely husband. Its either i join him, or suppress this painful yearning.
Thank u guys for commenting, m proud with friends like you <3 .
cruel is a nice way of putting it. I never abused her, gave her a good life, now I get “this”.
what do you expect from a “woman” who wants a second guy in bed? I should have taken the hunt back then that she was a piece of trash, then she cheated afterwards, now this abandonment.
If you dont mind me asking,.,, how did your husband die? I am sorry this happened to you, you have my heart.
It sounds like you are motivated to suicide because you miss him, if so, its normal, but as everyone has said, and I think you know, you have kids, and how would they be if they lost BOTH of you, really.
Eventually we all see each other on the other side (if you believe that). For whatever reason, there are those like us who I truly are meant to suffer. I dont know why.
I’ve actually read most of your comments since you joined. You’re pretty damn suicidal. I think it’s good to support each other here.
thanks for saying im a nice guy, I appreciate it. You are a nice person as well, I will be your friend. 🙂
who? coz I think everyone here is to one degree or another.
Melissa Suicidal. Because that’s her name.
I’m glad we are all still here (as far as I know).
It would be very spooky if they weren’t and still managed to post.
@Wifeisgone
I lost him in an accident during his job. most week days i send kids to my sister, I barely see them. I dont want them to get used to me because i’m going eventually.
I might send u an email.
thank u “Duke of Marmalade” for your care about my posts. i really need support to DO it, not to DONT.
I’m pro-choice but I’d be upset if you died so you’ll just have to keep your plans on ice until we figure something out.
well, i’m here for the next few months. but dont expect any change.
FLwaterguy99@gmail.com
@WIG What about men who want a second or third woman in bed (on occasion)? Lol. (I wouldn’t have a problem with that, provided neither party knew those women personally.) People just like to be experimental sometimes. Doesn’t mean they’re a bad person or that their affection for their significant other is any less. If they’re having an affair with someone else, that is wrong. But bringing over an extra one-time p*rtner occasionally? Seems fine with me. Anyway, I don’t know your wife, so I can’t speak for her; I’m just saying that wanting a third and sometimes fourth party in the bedroom isn’t always a big deal or a sign of issues in a relationship. If you don’t know those people, then they just go home afterwards and forget it. It’s not like you’re going to develop feelings after a one-night stand. (Not a good idea to sleep with friends or personal acquaintances.)
I don’t expect a dramatic upturn and the only way forward might be to seek professional help. Is that something you’d consider doing?
Your husband didnt leave you on purpose, as you said, it was an accident, a terrible thing.
I would rather Fernanda died than abandon me. I would have taken that easier.
So, there is your real answer…
abandonment does cause a LOT more pain than an accident (as much and as bad as it is).
Your kids are young, they WILL remember you, and its going to mess them up. I dont believe you want that. I can tell you care about them.
@Duke of Marmalade
honestly, idk . . i feel that i’m tired & only want to go, even if things upturned.
lol, persephone poking the hornet’s nest…
Yeah I know. Is your sister and the rest of your family aware of the problems you are having? You could talk them, work something out together.
@Clevername Well c’mon. I’m sure that any red-blooded male or lesbian isn’t going to say no to one or two extra beautiful women. I can see hetero guys wanting to say no to another guy, however. That wouldn’t be fun for them. (I don’t like that idea either. I’m not into gay men.)
@Wifeisgone
they r 2 & 3 y o. if i want to go, i should do it in these few months.
its not only about him, its before & after. i’ll post later why i get suicidal since childhood. & the beautiful short life turned 180 degree after his death, everyone changed round me, just like monsters want to eat a weak widow.
yeah, my sister knows my suicidal past & attempts, & she’s watching every step i do.
You could tell her that you don’t feel like you can continue as you are and ask whether she’d consider going with you to get help.
If you have kids, you have an obligation to keep living, for the kids. They didn’t ask to be brought here, you (and some guy) brought them here. Until they are old enough to at least take care of themselves, you have to live for them. That’s my take.
The notion flies in the face of traditional monogamy: a convention to which most theists likely subscribe.
Plus, such a request or mention from a female tends to make guys feel inadequate, which is one of the worst things that can happen to a guy. It starts a negative vicious cycle, once a guy starts feeling bad about himself. It permeates and extends to every area of his psyche, his identity, his relationships and interactions with others… his entire life. Even if he’s not “actually inadequate,” but even worse if it’s true.
Girls tend to shun guys who think they’re not good enough. Combine that with the guy censoring himself and refraining from attempting to make new connections (due to expectations of rejection, disrespect or disregard), and you have a ruined man.
For a Wife to risk causing such extended and severe complications to her own husband… to me, indicates problems. For her to then behave as the one in question has been portrayed, proves those problems where not just superficial or trivial, but rather severe and irreconcilable, not to mention reprehensible.
Two people who start out from the point of monogamy are very unlikely to remain together beyond the suggestion of inclusion of new participants, whether the break comes sooner or later.
Two people who expect “variety” initially, have a much better chance of maintaining such arrangements in the long-term.
@Duke of Marmalade
no, she won’t understand. i had told you the kind of help looking for.
*^@persephone
…and if you expect “variety,” what reason is there to pursue marriage?
@Clevername Good points. As you said, I guess the couple would have to go into it already being adventurous, rather than randomly suggesting something five years down the road. I see how it would be hurtful to spring the notion out of the blue like that. Yeah. Although if a woman suggested another woman, would it be as bad? Or I suppose that the guy might start panicking and think his wife is going to leave him for another woman. Hmm.
As for marriage? Eh. I’m sure that non-traditional marriages exist out there and that the couples are quite happy together. 😉 At least, I hope so.
I know it’s not easy for you and there is no magical remedy. You rarely see someone in that situation come on here and say they’ve been cured. All we can do is make the best of our way in this world.
Well… i’m sure there are reasons why the option of more than one woman is only afforded to certain guys. Lots of dudes have a list of girls they can call and hook up with whenever. I would assume lots of girls have this as well.
I, on the other hand, have no reason to keep a phone in service, let alone funds to afford one, or any way to make that much.
This is obviously not my area of expertise (if i could even be said to have any such thing).
I like to think one good woman would be enough for me. Maybe i would feel differently if i thought i had more options. Maybe i would think i had more options, if i actually had more options.
@Duke of Marmalade
i know everyone is ready to give help. but i cant lie to myself anymore. there is nothing more than the same words “tomorrow is better, things will get better” . . NO, its getting worse, & worse, & worse.
@Clevername The problem with f**k-buddies is that feelings invariably get in the way, which is why I don’t partake in such concepts. It may be fine for some people but I’d rather be in a serious relationship with one person, or have one-night stands with people I don’t know. There is no ‘in-between’ for me. I want my life to be as uncomplicated as possible and I find that this is the best way for it. So yeah, maybe I’m not ‘getting any’ at the present moment due to circumstances being as they are, but I’m fine with that. I’m not a nymphomaniac. Hahaha.
Anyway, I really do hope that circumstances improve for you, too, because no matter what you think you’re honestly a cool guy and some woman would be lucky to have you. (I’m certain there’s somebody out there who would be compatible with you.)
I’m not saying that. I know full well that it’s not a straightforward task. Nobody can look inside your mind and see what’s wrong but you’ll never know unless explore that option. It’s possible that medication could make things worse, they affect different people in different ways. It works for some people.
my cousins’ wife left him (and their 3 kids) for another woman. Thats the ultimate insult to a guy. it messed the kids up too, at least one I know of got suicidal because of it all.
you can send me an email if you like, i always answer
true that a guy can and will loose his self esteem if he is with a woman like my wife…..
my mom was just telling me she noticed that Fernanda NEVER complimented me on any fucking thing I did, even for her.
I was always “Mr. Nice guy” to her. Evidently I did way too much for her, as others have said.
@Melissa Suicidal: don’t get the gun. it will only make it harder to wait until your set date… you could find a reason to stuck around (beside your children) in that time, you never know, besides you can always get the gun later if you still want to
And not all guys would love a threesome, i despise the idea (mainly because an ex couple cheated me with for both a woman and a man at the same time and eventually left me for the guy), didn’t like it that much before either (one girl kinda guy). But i do know couples (old friends) that do swapping, threesomes and stuff like that and they couldn’t be happier… or at least it looks that way, haha
well, i wouldnt mind a buddy” right now, coz to be hinest, im already tired of using my hand 😉
I thought you’d written bubbly instead of buddy.
@WIG
It’s pretty insulting to a woman when her man leaves her for another guy, too. It must be the absolute worst to be married to somebody for decades and then have them reveal that they were secretly gay and seeing other men or women on the side. I think everybody should always be honest and open upfront. This will help eliminate many potential problems. If a guy can’t deal with a bi girl, he doesn’t have to stick around, and vice versa. (That’s why I put ‘bisexual’ on my dating profiles on websites. It never seemed to deter anyone of the male gender. But personally I am not into bisexual men. Maybe that doesn’t seem ‘fair’ but one guy is quite enough for me.) If people want to be monogamous, they should make that clear, and refrain from cheating. If they’re not going to be quite monogamous and are open to the thought of additional p*rtners on occasion, they should make that clear too. However, maybe it’s old-fashioned of me, but I think the point of a relationship is that TWO people are there for each other and bring one another comfort and contentment, etc. I could never be in a bigamous relationship. I’ll be the one current love interest of somebody’s life, or nothing. If someone else enters the picture, I’m gone. No way am I going to compete. I have more self-respect than that.
@Duke of Marmalade
thats my tragedy . . Nobody can look inside my mind to know my reasons. i explored & tried everything, & i dont believe in medication, they did nothing for me.
@Wifeisgone
why dont look for new love & life. as she didnt respect u, u too dont respect her. m sure millions women love to have someone cute like u.
of course i meant a “woman buddy”, as I am by no means gay at all.
Perhaos I just used the wrong word. lol
thanks sweety 🙂
You are quite nice. I believe the world would be a worse place if you left. I think you are a nice lady, how about sticking around just for that? 🙂
@kf
i know, but m not sure if i can get it later, this chance might not come again. then i have to hang myself again.
i can tell you are a respectful lady.
My wife just wanted another d___ in her other hole at the same time….its as simple as that.
I was destroyed by that because it showed me she didnt love me as a wife should, that sex was nothing special to her, but rather just some meat in her body.
I think thats what led to her cheating as well. She wasnt capable of loving me I believe.
@ Melissa I’ve encountered a lot of people who are like that and they don’t know what to do about it.
thank u Wifeisgone, u should find the lucky woman who deserves you, seriously. at least promise me you’ll try 🙂 .
i you promise me you can stay for your kids….. you have a deal, OK? 🙂
@Duke of Marmalade
well, at least i know what to do.
@Wifeisgone
lol, u know her better then anybody else 🙂 .
do you have any physiological problem with your …. ? so she might be still hungry.
you dont have to answer this if u dont like.
Please do not harm yourself. I realize this is a useless attempt to save a life, and can also be frustrating to hear, but look at all these people care about you! Live. Please.
i promise to TRY!!! but not sure whether i succeed or not, i think i know the result.
@AnonymousGrl
thank u for your kindness. its not matter of decision cause i made, its matter of how.
thank u everyone, your comments helped me to find new ideas. i’m leaving for now & not forever yet.
@melissa suicidal, Just hang in there at least long enough to raise your children, they need their mother. You owe them that much, since your 50% responsible for bringing them here into this world… Once they’re grown up enough to take care of themselves, you can do as you feel is necessary with your life.
@MelissaSuicidal-
I know exactly how you feel. Contemplating suicide is a difficult thing, and a heavy burden to bear by yourself. Thank you for telling us how you feel. Just posting that you don’t know what to do means that you still have a chance to save yourself. Don’t use the gun. I know you’ve heard this many times from the comments above, but they are all right. You have children, right? Don’t do this to yourself. My mother tried to kill herself, and for many years, I blamed it on myself. You obviously love your children, so don’t put them or yourself through a life without you. They need you more than anything right now, when they are growing up and trying to make sense of the world. They need someone with experience, someone who can connect with them. @MelissaSuicidal, you need to be on this earth for not only yourself, but for your children as well. You may not realize this, but we all as human beings affect so many lives in a single moment. You affect your children, as they affect your life. Let them be your hope.
And remember, we are all humans. We make so many mistakes, and nothing about us is perfect. No matter how hard life will get in the future for you, just remember that no mistake you make while still alive is permanent. There are still many opportunities to mend bridges and heal.
We all suffer in silence. But that doesn’t mean that we have to. Find someone to talk to. It could be a friend, family member, counselor, or even a complete stranger who will listen to you. Or if you need someone, just email me (Lullabyraven@gmail.com).
You always have a second chance.
No, Im fully capable of sending a woman to the moon and back, and have 😉 I’m quite good at driving a woman wild actually.
She just wasnt a good person, the lies, told me “You will never get on my iPhone”, the coldness. she just never loved me.
u blocked all roads to the solution.