the lost can be found

hi, my name is Khrissa. Im 16. Here is my story.

I guess it starts when i was just a baby. My dad left when i was 3 because he was on drugs pretty bad. he has never had anything to do with me or my little brother. which DID make an impact on my life, a huge one at that. when i was about 9 my mom re-married to a guy named tre. he was amazing. the best thing that had ever happened to us. when they married, we had money, a nice house, everything anyone could ever ask for. than he was stationed in Egypt (he was in the army) . while he was away, my mom went into a depression, she got into drugs, drinking, she even cheated on my dad… A LOT. she would bring guys over and i knew what was happening but i pretended like i had no clue. my little brother, chase, obliviose to the fact our mom was cheating on who my brother thought was his real dad (he didnt find out he wasnt his real dad until about a year ago), asked me who they were i simply told him they were her friends and i would take him down the road to my grandmas house. Eventually when tre came back he found out. Me and my little brother were taken from my mom because of her drug use and put in my grandmas custody (the first time i was taken from my mom). She cleaned up and we were a family again. but than she cheated on him again. they split up. My mom got back on drugs and well, we werent so happy anymore. She got with a man named Danny, who she was with for his drugs and money. we were than taken from my mom again (the second time). We lived in a foster home until my mom was capable of taking care of us.

When we were back with my mom we moved to Antlers, Oklahoma. It was a small town. (i was about 13) My mom was dating a guy named Brian. Brian was nice, a real gentlemen. He provided us everything. He pretty much taught me right from wrong. But this was when my life took a fall.

Brian and my mom got into drugs. They would disappear at night and not come back until noon the next day. it was ridiculous. When people would ask me why i wasnt at school i couldnt just come out and say “oh, my mom left us at home so i had no ride”, so, i lied. My mom and Brian would leave there glass pipes and other stuff laying around the house. i had to pick it up and go put it back in there room befor my brother had seen it. Eventually my mom got to where she would take me on drug runs and i would have to hide the stuff in my bra or somewhere on ME. If we got pulled over or something, i had to pretend her purse was mine becuase i was a minor and they couldnt search me. i learned the life of a drug dealer at the age of 13, is that stupid? yes. to think my mom would put me in that situation just kills me inside.

When i was about 14 i met a guy named Anthony. He slung weed. I had gotten into smoking weed, drinking, and all that other stuff. me and him were together for 2 years almost. I moved in with him when i got tired of my moms shit. i was 15. he was 18 at this time. we were happy, i THOUGHT i was in love. my mom would beg for me to come home, she would even offfer me money. but i knew the truth was that she was tired of being a mom. she wanted me back there to take care of my brother so she didnt have to. i felt horrible for leaving my brother, i knew he needed me. but i couldnt do it. me and anthony had a plan that he was going to move in with us. but it failed when my mom refused.

after a while, i started hanging out with the wrong crowd at school. i was a freshman at this time i believe. everyone thought i was the “happy” girl. the one who had everything, the one who had nice cloths, a big house.. Someone who when you look at my Facebook or my instagram you’d think I unbelievably I love with my own life. no. my smile hid too much. i got on the needle. bad. i even went to school drunk almost EVERYDAY. but no one knew. nobody had a clue that when i bumped into them in the hall it was becuase i had a pint of vodka in my bag and i was intoxicated. they assumed it was an accident. after about a year of me and anthony being together he had graduated highschool and i was still there. i was a sophmore now. i quit drinking so much and it became a weekend thing. i quit the needle, and i quit smoking weed. things were looking up. Than anthony started slinging something other than weed.. he started selling legal weed. that fake shit. he got to where when he wasnt high on it he was angry. his mom even seen it. he was mean to me. he even hit me a couple times but i have never told anyone this is the first time someone will hear of it.

soon enough that stuff became illegal to sell in head shops because of a chemical that was found in it. and we moved in a rent house with his older sister and her two kids. everything was fine again… but he started smoking weed again and i started back on the needle. people see me and they just like wow, ya know, shes to pretty to have a horrible life. or oh my god, shes perfect.. no, ive made plentty of mistakes. and getting hooked on the needle was one of them, i was submitted into a rehab 3 times befor i finally quit for good. i almost lost everything i had come to known and im glad i got out of that stage. me and my boyfriend started going to parties and one night he got blacked out drunk and he thought i pushed him down but i didnt. it was the fact that when you are drunk you become top-heavy and thats what had happened. he simply had fallen. he started yelling at me. calling me a ***** and other choice words, all becuase he THOUGHT i pushed him. he picked me up and slammed me on the concrete. i started crying. he was yelling at me still “did i hurt you”. i said “yes”. his sister marissa was there and he kept telling me to hit him back and i just kept saying no. he said he was going to go get marissa to kick my ass becuase i wouldnt hit him? i thought he was crazy.. but she knew he was drunk and that he was over reacting. we eventually got him into the car so we could take him home. he wrecked his car that night from driving drunk, but he was fine.

when we got to the house he pulled me out of the car and into the house and was still yelling at me. sooner or later i had enough, i said i was going to stay at his sister, marissas house. i got some cloths and was going to leave. but befor i did. he picked me up, and through me up agains the wall. it knocked the wind out of me so bad i had an asthma attack right there. i woke up in the hospital and i lied and said nothing happened.

i was put in the hospital two more timees befor i finally got the nerve to leave him. but i had no where to go… i lived in my car pretty much, sometimes i stayed at friends houses. i finally broke down, and i called my grandma. i moved in with her.

i was a junior now and i was put in Alternative school in Antlers, but i didnt like it. so i started Hugo high school. where i started filling the lonelyness of me ex with other guys. i was at a breaking point. drugs, sex, alcohol. i was in it all. until i finally went to counceling becuase my grandma made me. it didnt help, how do you talk to someone who doesnt know what its like right? i i quit that. than my grandma was mad and she kicked me out.

i moved to Duncan, a couple of months ago with my mom, my little brother, and my moms boyfriend. My mom and her boyfriend would disappear for days. Just leave and not come back for atleast two days. I had to learn to be a mom to my little brother. Instead of my mom cooking dinner, doing laundry, helping him with his homework, i was doing stuff she was SUPPOSE to be doing… I was doing it I had to grow up so much faster than most kids my age. But I can honestly say I wouldn’t have it any other way. My little brother is my worldand there’s absolutely no one I would rather revolve my world around than him<3

but anyways I got SO depressed and tired of it, I did something I t

hought id never do. I tried to kill myself… It was just me and my brother at the house and he was laying on the couch watching tv and I walked in there and told him I was sorry as I was crying my eyes out. He said “for what” I said “I’m just sorry, I love you” he said “I love you too sissy”. I walked into the bathroom and with my moms boyfriends handgun against the temple of my head I was about to pull the trigger when my brother opened the door and started screaming and crying my name. He scared me so bad that I had pulled the trigger but I shot the ceiling instead of myself… My 13 year old brother had seen me at my lowest point ever… He talked me out of it simply by saying “sissy I dony want you to go anywhere without me, dont leave me”. That night he had me promise never to leave him alone… And I will never do that. Recently my mom and her boyfriend were arrested for harboring stolen property, they were even on channel seven news… Its been hard. Words get around like crazy in the small ass town. And soon enough I was the talk of the school “khrissas mom went to prison” “khrissas family is SHIT” yeah, who knew someone’s one mistake could effect someone elses life so bad… I’ve gotten better about dealing with my problems I even found someone I can trust who I can talk to. I’m not posting this for sympathy, or anything of that kind… Just to simply say that your not alone. My story may not be that bad but trust me I’ve felt like the bottom ofsomeones shoe. I have been low, and im probably not going to be “high” anytime soon. But I’m a

very good listener and trust me… I know how to give advice. You can e-mail me, k_33_boley@yahoo.com or add me on Facebook and message me on there? My name on Facebook is, Khrissa Marie Tucker. I’m open to listen, you just have to be open to talk<3