My Darkness

My heart is blackened,

From what I allow you to see.

But deep down inside,

I just want to be free.

My life has become a nightmare,

From which I can’t wake up
I don’t know how much I can take on,

I just want to give up.
The days are sad & long,
the nights lonely & so endless.
Stuck all by myself,

Truly the most self-hated & defenseless.

How easily it would be for me,

To take it to a premeditated distance.

Cutting off all life forces,

And cease to be in existence.

Then I see my children’s faces,

Crying trying to understand.

Why would mommy take her life,

With our future so unplanned.

Smacked back to reality,

the horrid thought of that fate.

Three lives forever changed

In the wake of such a mistake.

Trying to be a soldier,

In a war I just can’t win.

A war against myself,

And a deep hatred from within.

The person that you’re looking at,

Isn’t who I see.

All I see is a monster,

Who can never be set free.

I don’t even recognize myself anymore’,

Who is this person I become?

I feel myself fading off the walk of life,

Into a world so cold and numb.

Haunted by the nightmares,

Of a poorly chosen life.

I use to care so deeply,

And have passions in my life.

I knew you’d take away all my pain,

I knew you’d make me numb.

All the feelings you’d help me overcome

You seduced me in, made me your slave
Knowing full well you only send addicts to the grave.
I never thought you’d become a disgrace,
For you masked me with a confident face.
With oxy withdrawals one afternoon
I took you into my arm way to soon.
Entering you deep into in my veins,
The craving for you drove me insane.
You turned in me into something vile and corrupt.
I’d do anything and everything for your narcotic charm
Feeling contentment while in my arm.
One day I realized what a monster you’ve grown
You ripped apart my family,

You destroyed my home.

You took away all I ever loved

All I ever cared about

You stabbed me in the heart

Then you fucking ripped it out

I admitted my addiction
It’s my love-hate contradiction.
But you’re no longer my crutch

You stole from me far too much.