This is my first post…
Lost my job the day after my birthday. It’s almost Christmas too. Â I’m trying to be brave or calm or something, so I keep telling everyone I’m fine, even though I’m not fine at all. I might be losing my mind, actually– it’s a slow-motion nervous breakdown, so slow that no one but me realizes what’s happening.
At first I was pretty good at applying for new positions but now I can barely get out of bed. Sleeping 12 hours a day is probably not a good response to the situation.
My family is coming up to visit in a few days and I’m terrified that when I see them it will become clear to them how much of a mess I really am.
5 comments
I keep forgetting I should be applying for jobs and it might take me weeks to even remember that fact. Time needs structuring – there needs be routine and daily organization or everything goes to shit, you sleep through the better parts of the days that just keep spinning around your head like some kind of crazy light show. I can get really screwed up if I stop paying attention to that sort of thing.
If that does become clear to your family – that you feel like a mess and are afraid they might see it – what’s the worst that could happen? What might seem clear to you is often not as obvious to the people around you. It just seems magnified since you’re stuck in your own head and can’t really see yourself the way others can. You probably don’t seem anywhere near as much of a mess as you think you do. And even if you do, what’s wrong with that? Everyone goes through tough spots and nobody ever really knows how to handle it. Being human ain’t easy, man. If anyone judges you for it, they’re missing the point.
Thank you so much for replying, I was literally about to go see what’s in my medicine cabinet.
I do not understand how to write a cover letter (which is about making yourself look good) when every single thought going through my head is some variant of “You’re nothing, you’re stupid, you’re worthless.”
And exactly… doesn’t it feel like you have endless time? “Oh, I’ll write that later today. or tonight. Maybe tomorrow…”
It’s the worst. I’m just so angry too. Apparently the only feelings I can still feel are anger and fear and sadness. The company that let me go barely gave me six months to prove myself, and then they dropped me with no real warning and no severance pay… People keep telling me my old company screwed me over, but it’s like, What am I supposed to do? They’re a multi-million-dollar corporation, they have no souls and no kindness, and I’m just one person.
My family… well let’s just say I’ve had mental-health issues in the past and my family shamed me for it. It was just verbally abusive chaos. I’m afraid the same thing will happen again.
I love my family though. When all is said and done, they love me. They’re my reason to live. But I’m still scared of them. It’s really complicated.
Sorry for writing a novel.
I believe your family will try to help you through it if they see you in bad condition, and i don’t think that’s a bad thing… what you describe sounds like holding the pain and grief and acting like you’re okay is making most of the damage.
And lorax is right, if you want to go back on your feet you should try to get organized, i fear i’m a victim of that cicle he describes too (because of sleeping through the day so i don’t have to face people and they see the condition i am in)… nothing good comes out of that.
Well I don’t know what your living situation is like. If you’re with someone or if you have enough money to stay independent that’s good. Otherwise you should think about living with a trustworthy relative until you’re back on your feet.
We are our own worst enemies. I’m not going to get into my life story but let’s just say I was in a do or die situation-getting a job meant survival for myself and my mother whose health had failed. Fortunately I pulled it off with little time to spare and things have been fine since.
Like others have suggested here, it is about organization and discipline. Also it helps to actually call the company up or recruiter and if you can impress them in a short chat, they will probably hire you over the 1000 other candidates that they have. That is literally what happened in my case. Otherwise god only knows where I would’ve been.
@lol: No, I totally get what you mean. It is craziness and family issues can get complicated – you should see what my family’s like… it’s a ball of madness all the time. lol
When it comes to cover letters and resumes and the like, you don’t need to think too much about it, just read up on what employers are looking for and make something that’ll catch a hiring manager’s eye – doesn’t have to be absolutely true, but it helps if it’s got a few details here and there that are based in fact. That whole process is like a public performance and isn’t ever based in reality… it’s formality. Say happy excited sounding stuff with a few key words thrown in with pizazz and that’ll do. I used to have to hire people myself and I hated the tedium of it all… it’s all so freaking artificial and absurd, but it is what it is.
Most importantly, though… remember that this is happening to lots of people. You’re not alone in dealing with this kind of thing, even though you probably do feel like you’re the only one. And you’ll get through it, too. The challenge is maintaining structure in your days that work would have provided for you before. If you loose that, you’ll have a much harder time dredging through everything. Keep things neat in your environment, organize stuff, make lists of things you need to do and try to stay busy if you can. It’ll make life feel less crazy, and you’ll feel like you’re accomplishing something, at least a little bit. That does help.