How to say goodbye?

I watched the movie “The Bridge” and there was one family that knew their son was going to commit suicide and seemed to have such acceptance that his internal battles were very strong and he would finally be at peace that way.

So that got me thinking…would it be better to warn the 2, possibly 3, people in my life that know about my problems and do care deeply about me that I just can’t continue living for them anymore?  I feel like they would just try to stop me, but my psychologist actually educated me about the laws in our area and they can’t actually do much of anything to prevent it(unless I am in act of hurting myself or I admit to it).

Would giving them a week or two warning help them in some way?  Would they realize that my pain is too great to bear even if they can’t visually see it?  And let us enjoy our last times together and make a bucket list of things to do before then?  Or would they be like I have been in my relationship – scared that every moment is a memory they won’t get to have again with me so they can’t even enjoy them?

I think about a last phone call…in the moments before I go.  One person would get to hear I love you, which she hasn’t heard in months.  The other would know immediately what I was going to do, but do I dare call anyway so that at least they know I love them too?  Don’t know that he would even care anymore, but I feel the need for myself to at least tell him one more time.

Letters and notes are written…they have been for months in anticipation of the day.  But I don’t know how or when to send them.  Maybe I will just keep them on my computer and pass along the login to someone who can find them later.  I worry if I leave them out that they’d be found too soon and the police would find me with my weapons(as then they could have me held and my plan would be destroyed).

I don’t even know why I think of these last minute details.  I just want to cause as little hurt and pain to others as possible, but I always seem to mess that up too.  Maybe its better that they don’t see the letters so that they don’t know all the pain I have been going through, but without them understanding my pain, they could never understand my suicide either.