The cutting. It all started when I was 13. My adopted dad had just got divorced with his 3rd wife..he always blamed me for his mistakes..for all his divorces..I couldn’t take the stress anymore. I decided that I had to much stress on my shoulders already, I had to do something about it..anything for me to not feel like crap. I had a guy ‘friend’ that kept asking for sex..we started texting..and one thing led to another..we decided to go to a party. I told him to pick me up at 12 at the end of our road.-long story made short- we went to the party and he got drunk..I got a little buzzed…we decided to go back to his place and sleep..we didn’t just sleep though…after that, he dropped me off at my house that morning. I felt horrible..horrible because of the alcohol I had drunk..and because I had just lost my virginity to a 17 year old that I didn’t even love..and that’s when the cutting became way worse..I was depressed..depressed to the point that I decided to over dose on pain pills..it only made me go to the hospital though..I’m now 16..I still cut,mostly because of the same reasons. And I have tried to OD 3 more times since I was 13.
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My advice would be to seek help, professional help. But as you say, you have ended up in the hospital at least once. So I am assuming you have had or having that? If not, there are qualified doctors who can help you out. People who deal with these problems every day. Would your father be supportive of that?
I’ve already tried to talk to my father to see if he could get me help. He said that I am “to screwed up for doctors to help me.”and that he wouldn’t waste his money on stupid things.
The only person who is going to get you through this is yourself. That all happened in the past and that’s where you need to keep it, move forward with the knowledge that yes, mistakes were made but they are lessons learnt and not to be made again.
It’ll take strength to live with this all on your mind, but you need to be strong, not for anyone else but yourself. You are still young and have yet to experience what else life has in store for you. Realise that none of your adoptive father’s misfortunes are your fault, he needs a scapegoat because he is weak. When dealing with stress, it is easy to rebel and lose sight of who we are, but we all get to come back from it; we do.
I read your profile and how your biological parents passed away when you were three. You have my condolences, I’m sorry to hear that.