He know’s what it means for me to disappear and doesn’t give a f***. Its OK though because I had made the decision before all this.
I decided not to pick a specific day any more. Â I have all the supplies I need and can go at anytime. Â I hate to go so close to Christmas, but I’m not sure I can make it that much longer either. Â Only time will tell…
 I have gotten so good at hiding the pain that people think I’m OK, even if I tell them I am not.  Only 1 friend understands and believes me, but in just a month of opening up to her, I have seen how draining I am and its not fair to her.  I prefer to suffer alone rather than to hurt more people so again begins the process of retreat.  I know they will be upset when I exit, but really it should be a relief.  They love someone who is in more pain than they can even imagine and I will then be free.  They won’t have to worry about me anymore and they can know I’m finally not in pain anymore.
1 comment
i wish you find peace no matter what you decide to do… pain can crumble our will to live down to shreds. and when there’s nothing left, Death will come to take us away into eternal slumber