I’m just unsure about everything…..

I dunno, I’m still saving my money, thinking about maybe blowing me head off….  But I’m still kind of upset about hurting my loved ones…. But I gotta get out of here…. This world is dull of pain and the future here is bleak as fuck….. I may consider getting an ED vacuum pump, which will likely help me to get my erections back and I can even continue smoking dope or w/e, but even then, 1) I’m 34 with an artificial erection, and 2) smoking weed is known to raise estrogen, which, given what I know about the agenda to genetically re-alter humanity and do away with gender entirely, largely being part from emasculating the males, I would feel as though perhaps smoking weed is counter productive, as I would feel like a tool….. But without it, I can’t really be happy. I’m confused…….. I’m supposed to keep my mind off this shit (my ED problem), but I can’t….. On top of that, I am battling psychological withdrawal from weed…. I did smoke up last night for the first time in 2 months…. Weed isn’t physically addictive but it is mentally addictive. I know it’s not as serious as something like crack or meth or heroin, but still though….. I’m hoping maybe the pump will help me restore some of my confidence, but I dunno… I mean what kind of man needs a pump to get an artificial erection?……..

The people running this ball of shit believe in the reincarnation of the DNA, and that the DNA is their soul, hence why they are so adamant about not fraternizing outside of their bloodlines or their social class (because they wanna be born back into wealth and bloodlines)…. Maybe there’s something to this, maybe there isn’t. The worst thing I could ever imagine is being born back into this prison as some hermaphroditic super slave in the future. Then again, nobody really knows what happens on the other side, until we get there (if we’re even conscious enough to know then). It may be nothing at all, just ceasing to exist period, the ole lights out…. At least I wouldn’t be conscious enough to know how fucked up all this shit is…. If there is something beyond this, I dunno how an early termination of my life may effect it…. But then again I didn’t ask to be here in the first place, so if I am punished for turning down the offer well…. That just means tyranny doesn’t stop at death, so I could only hope there is something beyond life and death. I dunno, I’ve got so many things on my mind right now…..