just that ….

I do not know who I am , what I do in the world , what will I be ? What will be my future? I say thanksto my adoptive parents for everything they did for me , but the truth is I do not wanna live anymore. I have no reason for it , I’m a bad person , I’m a ***** , do not give people value . thanks those who care about me …. but should not do because I do not deserve . No one understands me , no one knows what I suffer , what I feel , there will be way to end this war inside my head ? A few days ago i was happy , thought I had found a guy who really liked me, my parents were so well with me and I kinda was good at school … my parents would probably be better off without me , would again be that perfect family that everybody likes and I since I entered the nucleus only did damage. there is no solution to me . and what excites me most is that they never had give up on me . where can I go to disappears ? how is in heaven ? will be a better place ? But the truth is I dont have the courage to kill myself so it would have to be someone to do it for me.
I apologize to God for these my thoughts , he gave me life, supports me and always has a plan for me . but what it is ? hurt people ? or I be hurt ?