my thoughts

I hear you, too.

You have received a gift of vision from your family but that vision is like a sword with two sharp edges.

The first edge has allowed you to see what is going on in your family and how sick, hurtful, and damaging the dynamic is. That edge cuts into you each time you recognize it – in past or present [or much dreaded future] actions against you. This ability to see is the side of the sword that hurts us so much. The irony is that If we couldn’t see the difference between decent and indecent treatment of people we would be less severely affected but more important, we would not be the scapegoats. Only those who know the difference between decent and indecent can be scapegoats.

The second edge of the sword of vision that has been your gift is to be able to see others pain, also because you know the difference between decent and indecent treatment of others. Because you know the difference between decent and indecent, you know what is needed for a person to grow and heal and to feel whole and happy. Your desire to be free of the role of scapegoat can take you far away from it to a much better place. Some crazy how, all of their blindness gave you crystal-clear vision.

In many families that have a scapegoat, the scapegoated one doesn’t even have to be on the same continent, all they have to do is exist and the family can continue to put its sins on their backs. Finding that out helped me see that my family won’t ever see ME, all they will ever see is someone to blame for their problems. It is a sad thing that they need me for this so desperately that they will never know me. But I can’t change that fact for them and they are stuck tight in their dysfunction.