please, walk my cold heart home

So this is my first post and I’m not sure if I’m doin this right. I’m not sure if this comunity will finally give me the boldness to try to kill myfelf a second time. Maybe it will help me… I’m not sure. I’m not sure of anything. I’m in theraphy now after four years of Depression and three years of self injury. But I feel worse than ever before. But I just don’t understand why. I have a boyfriend that I love, I left all the fake friends I had behind me and everything should be alright. So why do I still want to die? Why do I still want so badly to cut and burn myself and disappoint every one with that? Many people say that every Teenager sometimes feels selfhate, this may be right, but- I fucking know how much sadness that a single Person can feel is normal. The doctor says that my recovery is working well. Gosh, I wish he knew how good it actually works: it doesn’t. I may be “recovered” in maybe a year or more or less. But the fight never Ends. And knowing that I will not be able to leave this sinking ship, unless I kill myself, won’t end. No matter how much drugs and theraphy I get…