Religion and Crap

sigh.

The amount of effort you put into that, probably deserves a somewhat better response than you’ll get.

Firstly, you’re incorrect. You seem to be projecting, perhaps due to that natural sense of seeking similarity in what we observe. Perhaps there are “markers” which represent similarity to you, due to your interpretation of them, but don’t necessarily mean what you think they mean. It’s anyone’s guess, i guess.

Secondly, i am quite certain; as certain as any “scientist” can be, about anything. There is always the chance that some bit of data was overlooked or unavailable, and inclusion of that bit of data might drastically alter the results of the experiment… but that’s just it: i don’t think i missed anything significant enough to drastically alter my conclusion.

My fear is not borne of hell… but of never having lived. I fear that i cannot ever live, and since i am quite certain this life is all i’ll ever know or be, that is profoundly upsetting to me. This is my only chance to do or be anything… and so much of it has been wrecked by absolute bullshit. I am terrified that i will die before i become able to exact my revenge against those who i would not choose to allow to get away with their irrevocable detriments to my life. Likewise, i don’t “want” to choose to die, without ever having truly lived… but my circumstances are pushing the limits of what i can bear, and it just keeps getting worse, and it seems there’s nothing i can do about it. Many people are lucky that i lack the means to deliver the retribution they rightly deserve. But that’s not the point. I would choose to live in health and positivity, for the duration of my existence… but that choice is not available or accessible to me.

My life has been a massive, tragic clusterfuck of arbitrary bullshit, imposed upon me by others, most of which were indeed motivated toward their actions by religious misgivings and indoctrinated misguidance.

And it seems that everywhere i look, there are more and more of them… seemingly endless hordes of “believers,” who choose to ignore the problems and excuse themselves from causing detriment to others, while insisting some “god” has and will continue to forgive them, for affronts they do not even acknowledge, when pointed out. It is absolutely infuriating. Surely, no “hell” could quite compare to the decades of agonizing perpetual torment i have already endured, and can only reasonably expect will continue for the duration of my singular existence.

I disagree with your assertion that “this is all just a hologram.” I don’t buy-into that whole neo-mysticism at all. I think it’s merely an interesting idea, but that it is almost certainly not correct.

While i agree that i am certain that “I” will no longer exist after death, i disagree with calling all this an illusion. It’s obviously “real,” by any reasonable definition of that word. It’s all the “fabric of society” crap, all the fantastical-story filters, through which people interpret their “realities,” that is illusory. We are indeed real beings, living in a real world, with real events and consequences at stake.

But if you tell yourself “it’s not real!” then you can excuse yourself from any rule or duty or consideration of others, or any of the impacts of your actions, upon them. And i find that, and the number of people who embrace this tactic, completely unacceptable, because i have been on the wrong end of so many of those types of arbitrary hardships, caused by people who pretend that life is some kind of game, and that the suffering they cause me (or anyone else) isn’t actually real… and even that some “god” will forgive them for it! Well, whether “god” forgives them, he can’t force me to. I dare him to try. I forgive when appropriate, but not otherwise. It’s my choice whether to excuse anyone from the accountability of their own choices and actions upon me, not theirs, and certainly is not up to some fictional super-character they conveniently embrace when it suits them, but ignore all the other time.

I already have a contingency plan for “just in case i’m actually wrong.” (because one can never be absolutely, completely certain, about that which cannot be tested, but of which only absence of any evidence can ever be observed)

My fears become a little more true each new day. I am unable to live, and the end of my only possible life, is the only way to experience anything other than an ever-escalating living hell.

It’s fucking infuriating that so many people seem so convinced that i’m wrong about everything, even while the only things they “know” about me, are words on a screen, interpreted through their own filters, many of which i openly disapprove.

Almost everyone tries to contort the actual facts into what they would prefer to think. Only so few of us are so bold as to confront the *reality* of what those facts and data actually show. I guess people don’t like that i do that so readily, or that what i find and share, is not what they wanted such an endeavor to reveal.

You’re all just shooting the messenger, instead of listening to what the fuck i’m telling you. But no. I get bombarded with all kinds of bullshit, have everyone quoting me out of context, misinterpreting almost everything i say, and then telling me I’M wrong, while refusing to accept that you have misinterpreted my words, through applying your own arbitrary filters to them.

“This” definitely isn’t any kind of life i ever wanted.

I’m not afraid of the afterlife. I’m tormented by each passing moment of every single day.

I could have had a much better life, if so many people weren’t so fucking stupid.

But they are, and it is what it is. So yeah, i’m bitter, disgusted, angry, even profoundly sad… and i feel very little reason to hold my tongue… because i know that nothing i say will change anything, and in the end, nothing matters. But right now, while we’re alive, it certainly does matter, to me, what i experience, and that so many others have caused so many things to go so wrong for me, that almost all of what i ever experience is miserable. So, fuck anyone who has a problem with me saying whatever the fuck i want, while i’m still alive to do so. And that’s the side of me people will get, when they push me further into where i never wanted to go. I refuse to accept or tolerate what i don’t feel is acceptable or tolerable. I decide that, not anyone else.