Revenge is a corpse laid cold.

My suicide thoughts come from  not only the depression, but the repressed anger.  I’ve written a journal, which is a sort of tell all book meant to be found by my family or anyone who finds it after my demise.  My goal was a tell all!  Tell the world what these people have done to me to bring me down to this lowly state.  The thought of people standing over my cold body wondering why I would do such a thing, and then this book/disk get out. Those people who have hurt me will not be able to face society the same way again.  I look at suicide as a free choice given to those who are hurting.  I’ve tried talking with people and they say the same things. Even the professionals.  I would get the last laugh.  Karma is too slow for justice to be mine.  I feel that a part of my life is ruined and I cannot get it back.  I feel that it’s only fair that I should ruin a part of theirs.  The things that these people have done to me have ruined me beyond repair for me to have a “normal” life.  I can’t let others get close to me.  I have a hard time saying how I feel, but my emotions rule me.  I cannot fall in love, have close friends, or show any kind of affection whatsoever. I can be in a crowded room and feel lonely.  There people though….these people….are happy. The ones that have hurt me are happy creatures.  They get married, have kids, go to college, and go out.  Mine however, is stalled.  I’m looking for my reason to live at all.