By next Monday afternoon the basic elements of my plan will be complete and I’m scared that I’ll do it on NY Day. I really need to go to a psych hospital but due to financial and insurance issues among other things the earliest I could go to one would be Mon 2/3 – I wouldn’t go on a weekend – no doctors. And finding someone to take me will be difficult. I don’t want to drive because my car would be stuck at the hospital and I sure ain’t calling 911 and being hauled out in handcuffs by the cops. I just don’t know if I can hold out that long. NY Day is going to be Really Scary for me.
Out of the blue one of my few good friends (they all live out of state) called me last night to wish me Merry Christmas and though I told her I was feeling suicidal all she offered were some comforting words but in reality what else could she do – we live 500+ miles apart.
I’ve screwed my life up so bad and now I’m screwed till Feb. at least. Today has to have been the worst Christmas I’ve ever had and I’ve had some pretty bad ones in the past.
4 comments
I’m sending you all of my strength and best of wishes that you’ll be able to make it to February when you’ll be able to go to the psychiatric hospital; I truly hope with all my heart that you’ll be able to make it. If you feel the need to, on New Year’s Day I want you to either come on here for support, or you can talk with me privately if you’d like. That’s so wonderful one of your good friends called you! People don’t need to say comforting words, so it’s so great of her to try her best to help you from many Miles away. Call her on New Year’s Day; I just don’t want you to have to be alone in your fear that you may commit suicide on that day. I know you can make it; you’ve made it this far, and I’m honestly so proud of you! This Christmas may have been your worst, but you just have to move on; trust me, I know how tough that is, but I know you can do it! It’s your life, and it’s your decision if you want to commit suicide, but please just know that I’d truly be sad; though my death will probably be suicide, I hate knowing it’s other people’s too… I truly hope you feel better 🙂
Thanks for the good wishes Pess Wallflower. You know you’re in a bad mental place when just about all you’ve done for the past 2 weeks is researched suicide and methods on the web and spent hours on a hopeline chat site. I’ve got an MRI in the morning but I won’t have the procedure done if needed until insur. change in Feb. if I’m still here.
if you need to talk, i’m available as well
i’m currently going through a marital separation myself, so maybe we can help each other
be well
where do you live? i’d like to help you if i can.