To not see 2014. A lonely life is no life at all.
lostandlonely
I hope I die in my sleep tonight – don’t want to face another year all alone.
So, Monday I’ll be firing my pistol at the range for the first time in 15 years to be sure it still functions okay. I’ve cleaned and oiled it and gotten fresh ammo. I’m determined to end my life as soon as possible. I want to jump off a bridge and shoot myself in the head as I go over the rail but its in the mountains and it’s predicted to snow there this weekend. I just have to wait until the weather is good enough that I can make the drive there. Holding on even a couple more weeks is going to kill me. Booze […]
By next Monday afternoon the basic elements of my plan will be complete and I’m scared that I’ll do it on NY Day. I really need to go to a psych hospital but due to financial and insurance issues among other things the earliest I could go to one would be Mon 2/3 – I wouldn’t go on a weekend – no doctors. And finding someone to take me will be difficult. I don’t want to drive because my car would be stuck at the hospital and I sure ain’t calling 911 and being hauled out in handcuffs by the cops. I just don’t know […]
Just another day for me. Got drunk last night and didn’t wake up till 10:30. All I could do to drag my ass out of bed and take a shower. Wed. is laundry day so that’s all I have to do today. I think I’ll get drunk again – nothing much else to do.
Today I’ve come to the irrevocable decision. I’m going to go out my way.
I haven’t fired my pistol in 15 years and I’ve cleaned it, oiled it and gotten fresh ammo – nice heavy ugly looking jacketed hollowpoint bullets. I want to test it first to be certain its still in good operating condition. I can’t get to the range before the 27th and probably not until the 30th. If it functions okay I need to strip it down and clean and oil it well again. I plan to jump from a bridge (not the Golden Gate) and shoot myself in the head as I […]
Choice 1 – I want to jump and shoot myself as I leap so I’m certain of death and I’d picked out what seemed like a great spot 8 hours away from me in a different state but I’ve never been there and with the weather and holiday traffic I don’t know that I want to make the drive. I can jump locally but it’ll be a much shorter height and I need to literally shoot as I’m leaning over the rail in such a way that I’ll still go over after I’ve splattered my brains with a bullet. I’m planning on scouting local sites […]
Now I’ve died alone, cremate my sorry ass and throw my ashes in the trash heap
Think of me no more – you never thought of me anyway
Life ain’t what you think it ought to be when you’re born into a dysfunctional family
The sharp knife of a lonely life – well I’ve had more than enough time
Make me a symbol-I’ll stand for all the lonely souls in this world
They’ll know that there’s a way out cause the world doesn’t give a damn about you
I’ve never known what love really is – I made none and take none with me
Who would have thought that hope could be […]
I’ve got it planned out and I know where I’m going to do it just not sure of the exact “when” of the act.
Here’s the note I wrote and plan to leave:
I, (my legal name) born on …. in …. and currently residing at… being of sound or unsound mind do hereby make this my suicide note. I have of my own free will jumped and shot myself in the head on the way down to impact fully intending to end my life here and now and not screw up and become a vegetable. I thought this out and planned it thoroughly as I was […]