sleep

I remember a long time ago when someone I had been desperately fighting for made her choice – and it wasn’t me. Oh, I was the noble one – the one she knew could make her happy but she chose the one she feared, not he one she loved. I was “too good” for her – she wasn’t good enough for me she said.

I wanted nothing more than to sleep. Just fucking sleep. I didn’t care if I ever woke up. I just wanted to not be. But there is one thing I want to say to you. The one you want does not deserve better. You do. I know it feels like bullshit to read those words and if I could truly believe that myself I might let go of the feelings I still have for the most wicked, evil, self absorbed, weak and abusive person I’ve ever encountered but happened to fall desperately in love with.

I deserved better. I still do and so do you. You deserve someone better than a person so stuck on themselves that they leave you wanting for something you believe you cannot ever have – leave you wanting to destroy yourself over them. I know you’ve heard this before but you don’t really need anyone that can have that much power over you. No one does.

I just hate to see someone in as much pain – pain that I know so accurately and intimately. I obviously have no answers or solutions but I know that people like us are all inside-out. It’s a raw fucking deal anyway you slice it – believe me I know the urge to see my own blood flow. Somehow we always seen to give the scoundrels in our life just what they want, but they don’t deserve that and it is you that deserves better.