today i had a brief talk with my father. he asked me why i’m ruining my life and i told him my ways and destination are different from society’s. he gave me proud history of our family and challenged me to amount to something and keep it maintained. i told him my goals may not be appreciated by society, and he said ‘it doesn’t matter. if you’re going your own way then succeed in it. become Buddha’. it was almost mocking. if i choose my own path, then i HAVE TO succeed in it, otherwise i’m failure. if i submit to their, then any average job with title me as success. he was ofcourse using the difficulty of my path as his argument to make me submit, but… its indeed pressurizing. it only increases my hatred for them, but at the same time it makes me tremble and rage. i feel like, “i’ll show you i was right”, but also like, “what if i didn’t succeed. he will win – my rival, whom i hate so much, will win. he will show a smile of his triumph… no, it will be the smile of pity! and of ‘i knew you will fail’ “. oh how will i be able to endure that!! i never knew i had this much pride or i hated him this much. i’m feeling so… oh i cannot express all this in this english language. i don’t even know if my goal is real, let alone achieving it. there are already so many complications in this little journey, how can i…. i will never succeed. i can’t submit. he will win.
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9 comments
You’re strong! You won’t conform to your families expectations, and that shows that you’re a free thinker. Free thinkers scare and anger people because they don’t go the norm. Be a free thinker! It’s a gift to be able to make your own path, and you will succeed. You are strong
thanks WiltedRose. but however much i hate him, i respect his emotions. if i fail, he won’t only win he will lose too. my whole family will lose. it only increases the pressure.
It doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong as long as you are content with the eventual outcome. Some people raise their game and are motivated by pressure whilst others need to be encouraged and allowed time to develop. If you find that it’s getting too much which is ok, take some time out and you’ll find a way forward.
thanks for the advice Duke; more so because it comes from You. imagining my life from your perspective almost makes me smile at myself… hehe
Up until now I hadn’t been commenting on your posts mostly because I’m a simpleton. It’s difficult for me to explain and try and make people understand what’s happened to me as it is for you with your father. All you can do then is find some way dealing with the problem itself. If you dwell on other people it’s sometimes an indication that there’s an underlying lack of self belief. Its only natural when you’re doing something for the first time or taking a new approach.
yep, so true. and dwelling on other people can help sometimes in such circumstances.
Temporarily, we all grow forgetful and grudges become weaker. It’s only when you swear a blood oath it lasts like the rivalry between Valentino Rossi and Sete Gibernau where Rossi put a curse on his rival never to win another Moto GP race. He didn’t.
I hope so. i mean the former case, not latter. yet i tend to believe in energy conservation law of psychology: no grudge ever dies, it only changes form. but i also believe in waking up theory: we wake up, and all the past is gone in a moment. only time will tell which one is true.
I’m not familiar with it but they both seem plausible. I think when a person takes pleasure in his life, what they once found provoking moves toward the periphery of their mind.