How can a mind be so full and feel so empty? I am at a loss. I sit here before the internet, which banks a great wealth of humanity’s knowledge. I have a notebook full of notes and deductions and musings on this, both of my own and other trusted authorities and sources. I have read notes of the successful. I have watched videos. Seen documentaries. Read posts on here. Studied any sort of research on the subject I can find. Yet I am still left with one unanswered question: how does one logic himself to death?
I know that reason is the key to conquering life. Surely it is the same key to open the door to death. Or is death a door closing. Maybe that is the problem. Maybe I do not need a key. Just a stern, unwavering hand. A reason to slam the door shut on life. Perhaps I need a final argument. A great enraging incident to storm out. An angering face to slam the door into….
Pretty words and metaphors. Those I have plenty of. What I do not have is an answer is to why I am still here. I do not wish to be. I have not wished to be for some time. I have no more items on my “to do” list. My bucket list found its way info the trash bucket quite a while ago. Lists. I have made many. I have page after page of reasons. I have diagrams. I have pictures. I have the same sayings in similes and metaphors. I have lists in French and German. All pro lists. No cons. I can think of not one negative aspect to my death that causes me any pause. So why do I? With no cons, why must I struggle so to con myself into doing what I know I must?
I am here not for attention but out of desperation. I am truly at a lose. I have read posts. I have tried to find the elusive solution to take the plunge. I have not found it. And I doubt any of you all will have words that will help. So I am at a lose as to why I am even typing this.
“Thus Conscience does make Cowards of us all,And thus the Native hue of ResolutionIs sicklied o’er, with the pale cast of Thought” Indeed
4 comments
Hamlet reference. Nice.
maybe because all those words and references and metaphors aren’t true. if they don’t make you do it, if they incur the slightest amount of doubt between theory and practical in you, then they aren’t true for you. Reason is not truth. truth is what you are actually living.
Human beings, like any other organism, are bound to a state of existence until death. As all organisms expire eventually, it thus follows that the most reasonable conclusion would be to persist through life until one passes of natural (or otherwise accidental) means. One always has the option of creating a new purpose for carrying on, or new goals and aspirations.
i always have doubt on conclusions we draw out of reason or evidence. its more like searching for support to carry out what we were already inclined towards. and then it gets twisty and turny when they don’t match our inclination or when we force our inclination to match with them.
Psychology is more closer to truth than philosophy, and should always be given preference in case of clash.