All I want right now is to kill myself. I’m jut sitting in my bed shaking and crying because I’m afraid to move. I don’t want to be alone right now but no one wants to talk to me…and I’m scared
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Hi Kallian… I’m sorry things are rough. Your last post had a really good idea…. telling your manager. It’s tough to reach out sometimes… and you should get credit for both thinking about it and doing it. You might be hesitant to do it but it will probably help you.
Here on SP, you’re not alone… We all have things we’re working our way through.
I know this feel, it is overpowering me right now. I don’t trust myself, for many reasons.
You can talk to me?
I want to cut but I left all my stuff inthe car because I thought I had another one up here in my room. All I have is a dull p.o.s. utility knife from the dollar store that I use to open toilet paper holders and cut open boxes for stuff at work.
And the only person talking to me was my ex and now he blocked me because he can’t handle my shit. So I am alone.
Maybe tonight ain’t for cutting, take it as a sign and I know you may end up cutting anyway but do your best not to, please. I remember you said you broke things off with your BF on your other post and I sort of get that he wouldn’t be able to handle what you’re going through right now.
Regardless, I’m here for you and glad that you’re taking the time to talk.
I broke it off with him because I was planning to die yesterday. But then my recruiter called and said that she would look and see if she could get me into the military, and my ex really wanted to help me. I was hopeful. But all I am now is a shaking sack of crap on my bed.
Good to see that plan backfired.
That’s great news! I’m former Army, fulltime service. You strike me as someone who would want to join… the Air Force, am I right?
Air force reserve. Disqualified from fulltime active for a prior dislocated left patella. Air force reserve told me I might have a chance. My last chance before being completely blacklisted. But if I go and admit myself for a 72 hr hold, or get seen by the mental health clinic, I’m done for. Even if I have a chance in the first place.
I have had these moments. Life will strip you down to the barest pieces of your soul at times. I know the feeling. It has always helped me just to allow my mind to be still- to give myself permission to just lay down and allow my mind to be clear and allow myself to sleep and tell myself I will worry about whatever troubles me another time. I usually wake up with a bit more clarity and calm. I know how it is to have people not want to speak to you because of the intensity of your emotions. Been there too. You can talk to me…dont hesitate to email me if you would like. Rogue Lonesome seems like a great person to talk to as well. You are not alone, I promise you that.
Then do your best to have some mental fortitude and keep your head straight, you have this one good shot at something worthwhile so please do your best to make it happen. Your chances are pretty good at making Reserve, I was released due to injury and was still offered a place in the local Reserve battalion. I turned it down though, but my point still stands.
I’m actually quite excited for you. Huh…
There are many times I’ve felt like ending it all due to the fact I feel like no one gives a Sh@t about me. My advice would be to just take things one day at a time. a lot of times it’s hard not to be overwhelmed by the future and how uncertain things are in life.
Take me for instance. I’ve never had any true friends in life. No ones ever ask to be my friends, no ones ever ask for my phone# inviting me to a party, ECT. All my life I’ve been alone and I’m always afraid of being alone for the rest of my life. That’s why I try not to think about the future all that much. Just live for today.