Okay so it seems like everyone who is suicidal seems to be only because they don’t really want to die but just to escape from their problems, they see no other way out. But me, I WANT to die. I know my problems will get better , but it’s just life. I don’t like the idea of life in general. I could be happy and have been in the past but still I know if I had the choice, I’d rather be dead. Why? because it’s nothingness. What could be better than that? Maybe I’m just lazy but whatever. I just want out. I’ve seen the way it works, the way it all works. you have to work to earn money t live, life isn’t always fair, you go up and down, blag blah ye i’ve heard it all. What if I don’t like that? I know life isn’t fair, and tbh I just don’t like life. I don’t think it’s for me. Is it fair for me to leave? I think with my reasons it’s pretty stupid for people to always try convince me to live. why?
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I have to say, I understand. I have a small group of people that care for me and love. it’s because of them that I have fought this long to improve things. I’ve been to college, I have a job I don’t hate that pays well, and friends- so why do I feel this way? for some experiencing suicidal thoughts, it’s a chemical problem as serious as any physical illness. for me it stems from interpersonal relationships. I can’t understand why people aren’t kind to each other all the time, or support the choices we make in life whether they follow the norm or not. so if society- no matter which one you’re a part of- doesn’t accept and support us, what’s the point of fighting to maintain our place in it? I struggle with this daily. in fact, suicide for me isn’t an impulsive, emotional decision. like yours, it is a desire to stop fighting. to stop struggling. what’s kills me is this: if so many of us feel this way, why can’t we come together to build our own communities? why should we fight to adapt to the norm? who can lead us, the depressed with apathetic symptoms, to lead our own lives free of judgment?
Fine…if that’s what you want for yourself then I wish you peace…
However, consider this… You say your problems will disappear so apparently they aren’t beyond solvable… You know how life works but you can’t be certain how your life will turn out…roll the dice…. Don’t like the outcome? Fine…you know what you must do…
If you prefer being lazy…fine remain living but become a train rider…seriously… I once considered selling everything I owned in the past to buy some gear and supplies and set off on an adventure riding the rails… You think you’ll be bored? There are countless others you’ll meet on your adventure and if you’re street savvy you’ll bring some drugs along to fund your adventure…
Not that you have to do this but the point is…fuck it…roll the dice….suicide is always an option if things don’t work out…
I think you articulate very well what a lot of people are actually feeling. A sort of “not impressed” view of life.
A relevant question in my view would be whether you’re actually experiencing life fully, or whether your senses are dulled by one thing or the other. Because if they are, you might not have the whole picture, and then an early death might be unwise.
@banana “if so many of us feel this way, why can’t we come together to build our own communities? why should we fight to adapt to the norm? who can lead us, the depressed with apathetic symptoms, to lead our own lives free of judgment?” – OH MY GOD, YES! I’m just so tired of seeing all those people not questioning their actions and just doing what everyone else is doing and buying into the corruptive system. the more posts i read on here, and the more i question life in my philosophy class, the closer i come to the conclusion, that many depressed people are basically capable of thinking outside of the box and are generally more intellectual than majority of our society. and despite the fact that we come from all around the world, we hold similar view. i get a feeling that if we all bundled up together, we would not be depressed at all.
banana hit the nail on the head and genesis0987 beat me to the response.
I also agree with PainNlife and muspelhem.
You seem intelligent and level headed. I wish you wouldn’t, we need people like you. I feel the same way. I have what others consider great things going for me and I feel like life is pointless. I am exhausted from years of struggling. There are ups and downs and it was fun but nobody wants to ride a roller coaster forever right? At some point you’ll want off even if the only way is to jump.
So. I could take my passport and leave to anywhere I wanted before I die but I won’t. I don’t care to. I’m not interested anymore. My curiosity has run dry. I give away/donate every dollar I make (obviously keeping enough to be comfortable) because I really just don’t see what I would use it for.
I’m sorry you feel this way. You’re not alone.
I feel. For me it’s not I want to die, it’s I wish I didn’t exist and dying is the next best thing so not exactly the same but I kinda get what you’re feeling