I’ve reached the point where i’m am unable of being happy. this is permanent. I don’t even have it in me anymore to fake a smile which is required in this fake world.  If fear of suicide keeps standing in the way i could end up homeless or on drugs. what’s the point of living that way …. i have to do it and fast
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what brought you to this point? I understand how you feel. It can all seem so pointless and fake- the society we all live in. The human constructs. It really gets me down sometimes. It seems you could use someone to talk to. I am reaching out to you now- I care. I may not know you but I care. You can email me. I am struggling too, but maybe just venting it out will help.
I appreciate the help but i’m one of those cases of irreparable. My past in this life is the equivalent of 0.. how can one possibly continu living without having a past ? No memories no pleasing thoughts.. can’t even get a job. even my mom tries to help but she can’t. there’s nothing that can help expect suicide
Dear hopeless1,
I can not agree that you are one of the hopeless ones. Tell me how you came up with your life equals 0. I have a very hard time believing that too?
I agree with your feelings, Hopeless1. The anti-suicide proponents often aren’t thinking about who would take care of the chronically and treatment resistant depressed. They’re not going to pay our bills. They’re not going to keep us company. They’re not going to fulfill our minimal emotional needs required just to provide the fake smile every day everyone else demands. But still, they would command us to remain here, even after making it clear by their choices and words they don’t want us, to use their common expression, to bring them down.
You said it very well: “If fear of suicide keeps standing in the way i could end up homeless or on drugs.”
Ek2020, i completely agree. Why force someone who is miserable to remain so? Where is our freedom to die as we please? Who wants to live addicted to drugs and “mooching” off the system while homeless? And even if we can look back and see we have done a tiny bit with our lives why should that matter if our present self is falling apart? Personally i think i know myself better than anyone else. I know myself well enough that yes so what if i have kids that may very well make a huge difference? If i stay as i am i would end up running away and dealing with my sorrows my way, ie drugs/alcohol and wind up living homeless because i just wouldnt care. Why? Instead of putting such a strain on not only family and friends but society as a whole, i think we should be allowed to choose how we go out. If we have the right to be born then we have the right to die how and when we want.
We have the right to die how and when we want- but we also have the right to give ourselves a real fighting chance to live an authentic and enjoyable existence. I am writing this to myself as much as anyone else as I am struggling to climb out of this hole right now…I am unemployed and will lose everything if I do not find a job in the next week or two. Including my pets and my home. I am alone and over 500 miles away from every person I know…and my family are people I can not trust. It is a challenge and I get so full of fear and I had made up my mind I was going to take my last dollars and purchase a gun and drive out to a place I love and end it all. But…I have to break through this pain because I know I am a good and worthy person and some where deep inside there is this light…as morrissey says: “there is a light that never goes out…” and I know it is in you too and you are not a “hopeless1” after all…I know we are here for some purpose. Yes, depression is hard and the world is cruel, but maybe, just maybe it is also beautiful and there are good and kind souls out there that care….you are one of them for someone…maybe I am too.