People probably think that the reason why I cut my self is because of a stupid reason but considering that God has seen what has been done and knowing that I was also at fault kills my soul my mind and my heart. I told a couple of people, friends, family… but they all say the same “that’s pretty dumb… that happens to everyone and you think youre different? Please your just asking for attention that’s what everyone wants when they cut themselves.” Maybe that’s true. Maybe I want attention. Maybe the reason why I want attention because I want to be save from this curse. But that’s only one reason why I cut. I also cut because when I try to explain that I’m afraid to socialize with boys they laugh saying that I’m a late Bloomer or that sooner or later I will start to like boys….I did used to like boys like any other normal teen but then… I don’t know whether I should trust anyone with anything let alone my words but I will try this if it can help me I guess I don’t know. Some times I will cry my self to sleep or cut my self in the dark so I’m not afraid of how bloody my arms get. I feel that cuting is my suitable punishment because I can’t escape this nightmare by dieing or disappearing. I’m just here on earth suffering from my own version of hell. I don’t even know what I’m saying. I want to yell at the world I don’t know where to start but I guess I can start my story on this sight.
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2 comments
Sometimes people don’t understand… and they don’t know what to say. It’s easier for some people to tell you that it’s “dumb” or “normal” or “attention-seeking” or anything similar… because it doesn’t involve a long discussion and comments like that let them keep things short. You can’t control what others think and say…. so it’s not your fault if someone cuts you off, doesn’t understand, or can’t seem to listen. All you can do is keep on trying.
The cutting can be difficult to stop but it can be dangerous. Over time, it might be a good idea to work on reducing it… and then stopping it. Yes… That’s easier said than done… and it might take working on some of the other things in life that are stressing you.
Don’t forget that the teenage years can be difficult… and life does move past those years. After you graduate, you’ll have more freedom and the ability to set your own goals… That should help things, too.
I was always depressed and angry when I was your age. In high school I had no true friends at all. Most of the time I just sat alone and read. Fast forward 8 years later and I still have no friends, family, or purpose in life. My best advice is to just be by yourself for a while to get away from these people who are making you miserable. I know having friends is important(not that I’ve ever had any), but if your so-called friends are making you self harm yourself then they are not the type of people you should be around. I really hope things start to turn around for you!