It was the worst day of my life….

There were hands everywhere, so many hands grabbing at me, greedy hands, get off of me, greedy hands, lights flashing, clicking, blurry vision, light, dark, chatter, noise, I’m so confused, I’m so cold, I’m so sad…..

I have drifted into something, somewhere I don’t understand, something I never meant for….

I’ve been born?

Oh God, no.

Oh no, God.

I’ve been born.

It’s the worst day of my life.

This is the first day of my time in hell.

Worst day, first day…for without a first day, there could be no second day, no third day, no 11,322th day…..

Oh what have I done to be cursed like this!  Wretched little body. Wretched little room.  Wretched little world.

“In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

Forsaken hell.

I’m in shock. Who would send me here?  Who would do this?

Lonely wiggling cursed little creature.  Get back to where you came from!  Where did you come from?  Do you know, monster-child?  You are reaching out for the sky?  Arching your little back, reaching up; are you trying to get closer to the sky?  Find a way back!  But no, I don’t know the way.  I don’t have a way.  Please show me a way.

I am naked.  In more ways than one I am naked.  Just like that I am stripped away of all the peaceful, infinite emptiness and sleepy quiet I had known just moments ago.  I never knew what pain was before.  I never felt so cold before.  Or so alone.

My mother is grabbing me, she is forcing me to her breast, let me go, please, let me go.  I don’t want to touch you there.  Who are you?

They’re putting tubes in my nose and poking my wiggly little limbs with instruments.  Oh God I am afraid.  It hurts.  No one will keep me safe now.  Oh God where are you?  Why did you give me away?

Are they demons?  All these people in the room with me?  Are they demons?  Some have green masks on, and gloves, they’re horrifying.  I try to kick them away.  I am so small, just the size of their hands.  I can’t get away.  Demons smiling, laughing, weeping with joy at my arrival in this place so full of pain.  This is a hospital!  This is a place of tears and blood!  This is a slaughterhouse.  You brought me here?  I am already hurting.  I shouldn’t be here.  Please send me back where I belong.  Please!!  Down the hall, there are more screams of pain.  Another life being tossed out into the world.  Another little victim.  Another life about to scream, as I am doing now.   I can’t stop screaming now.  I won’t stop screaming, ever.

This is the beginning of my nightmare.

I hate the woman.  “Mama”, she’s called.  As if I gave a damn. I hate everyone I see.  Please don’t let her touch me.  Please don’t let them touch me.  Are they demons?  They seem like it.  They have captured me and they have taken me to a place I didn’t want to go.  They are hurting me.  They are stealing me.

Every day I am born anew.  I open my eyes and I cry, and I long for that last happy day, that day before I was conceived.  Or that last happy dream.  Oh, but this…you have brought me back to this….not this….not again.  Oh God, I am tired.  And I am scared.

Day after day after day after day, horror after horror after horror, prayer after prayer, watching the clock, please speed it up, “God take me back” “Undo it, God”, and then one day when there are no tears left to shed and I thought I was all hollowed out but now there’s blood spilling out of my chest and it stings but in a good way, it’s releasing me, and the whole world’s dissolving like an illusion.  This is the final scene, my final scene and I glory in it.  I was born to play this part.  Yes I was born to play this final act.  My nightmare is ending, there’s the sky calling for me at last.  Goodbye forever, take a bow and exit the stage, it is the best day of my life.