Stay the fuck away from me
Go just go. Just leave before you get hurt too.
Down down down down down and dark.
Subtly and rapidly losing it. This plan…it seems so beautiful in a sickening way.
Oh God what’s happening to me…….
tick tock tick tock
Tag:
Oh God
There are times when you will wish that you have never, ever, started this life.
I want to CEASE right now. I wish I’ve never met everybody I know. I wish I don’t exist in such a suffocating world. Tears don’t suffice anymore. My eyes could simply not spare me anymore.
I’m so tired. I want to float away mellowly to God’s embrace. Someone that truly cares for me. Oh God on high, hear my prayer.
Frozen In Time
I just can’t do this. I keep trying and trying to just BEAR IT but I can’t.
I can’t bear it. Is this really what’s going to finish me off? THIS is going to be the reason my life ends? Over someone who doesn’t love me? That is one of the stupidest, most childish and facile things I have ever heard and yet it’s my life, it’s happening to me, I never thought in all these years struggling to stay alive with my disorder, praying sometimes I’d wake up in the morning, the loneliness, the money, jobs and time (so much time) all lost, the defeats […]
There were hands everywhere, so many hands grabbing at me, greedy hands, get off of me, greedy hands, lights flashing, clicking, blurry vision, light, dark, chatter, noise, I’m so confused, I’m so cold, I’m so sad…..
I have drifted into something, somewhere I don’t understand, something I never meant for….
I’ve been born?
Oh God, no.
Oh no, God.
I’ve been born.
It’s the worst day of my life.
This is the first day of my time in hell.
Worst day, first day…for without a first day, there could be no second day, no third day, no 11,322th day…..
Oh what have I done to be cursed like this! Wretched little body. Wretched little room.  Wretched little world.
“In that place there will […]
I am something broken. I was beautiful once, but I lost pieces of myself. I’m trying to find them but they don’t fit right. Do you know what it feels like to look down at yourself and cry because you hate what you see? To feel such loathing towards your own body that you have tried to rip it apart bit by bit? Forgive me if I’m quiet, reserved. I’ve got so much going on in my head that I can’t see straight. I should stop trying to fit in because really, who would ever love a girl with as many problems as me? Oh my God. […]
Yes, that’s what my mother struggled to rub in me yesterday. All because I left my university without her goddamn permission in the midterm. I found a job, she wouldn’t let me work. She claims that I’m living in a kind of faitytale. She wants me to study, study, study… I’m so sick of it. I’m in for a fuckload of problems now. She is running out of money. I am running out of patience. Having to wait for another half-year to be able to work in the summer and pick up the fucking money I need to buy a gun. If I make a […]
Oh god, who do i think i am? What exactly is my problem? I’m so confused and angry with myself. Sometimes, i mean most times, when i try to do my hair and everything, i just look in the mirror and burst out crying and get really frustrated by pulling on hair, hurting myself and swear at myself. Grrrr i hate being me -.- Sometimes, i might be happy, slightly happy anyway. And for some reason, i miss being sad and something just doesn’t feel right. And then i remember the bad days that’ll come soon and i get anxiety. Man, i’m retarded.
God, i’m so […]
My chest feels like it is about to fucking explode. I feel like I am about to completely break down. Oh God, all I want is for this to stop! I am so tired of this FUCKING CYCLE: I just want this to stop…. why does being alone have to hurt so much.
I want to cut. No. I need to cut. It has been 84 days since that blade tasted skin. Who was I to think that I could ever overcome depression, huh? Who was I to think that I could ever stop cutting permanently, hmm? Let’s face it the blade has always been there […]
I am loosing everyone. I lost my best friend since i can remember and now i lost my other best friend. She is pushing me away and i dont know why. i asked her but all she says that she doesnt mean to and that she is not mad and that nothing is wrong but i know something must be happening. Oh fu**ing god, and also my friend that is like my brother since i can remember says that i lied to him, spread rumors, hit him and insulted when i did none of that. sooo whatever i mean what can i do to change […]