My Story…

change what? change how? why do you need to change? what do you hope to accomplish, by changing whatever… this girl who dumped you, supposedly expected you to change?

Do you think that changing anything about yourself will change her, or her mind, or bring her back?

If anything, you need to change whatever is stopping you from finding someone else. Or better yet, change whatever makes you feel like you need anyone.

When you figure out which changes are actually required as prerequisites to what you want to experience in life… the reasons those changes are so difficult, will become quite obvious.

You need a reliable and sufficient source of income, stability, security, health, and to be able to project an accurate image of an appealing person, to those you find interesting or attractive.

You need an education and a career. Most women will automatically rule you out as a possible mate, if you don’t have at least those things… and many will rule you out if you’re not one of her 3 best available options at any given moment.

If people arrive at their conclusions via methods you find unacceptable, then stop placing value on their opinions.

If and when they arrive at any conclusion, in accordance with acceptable thought processes, then value their opinion. If stupid or crazy people think wrong and negatively of you… fuck ’em.

also: if you dress like a target, others will take aim.

yeah… i disagree with “life is full of good women,” but i have to agree with the insinuation that we can only merely wait for one of them to find us… which is complicated by the fact that there are far better options than i, for anything i’d call “a good woman.” Anyone i’d like, could easily find someone better, due to what is readily available on offer elsewhere, which i lack. If you don’t have the most and best of what they’re looking for, you won’t be found. Or, you’ll be briefly test-driven, but returned and soon forgotten.

So, what you need to change, is to make sure you have, to offer, what is sought. If you can’t do that, then you should probably try to eliminate your feeling of “need” for “a someone.” I haven’t been able to accomplish that. It’s rather difficult; perhaps impossible.

it sucks to realize what you loved was just an illusion… which in my case lead to more careful and in-depth analysis of everything, not less. Then i started realizing just how reliably accurate my intuition and understanding of things, had always been… and that i had simply allowed myself to be deceived, due to the constant onslaught of fantastical ideals being thrown around at all times, by almost everyone. The real world sucks, and illusions and delusions are the predominant coping mechanisms. We’re taught that lying to ourselves is not just useful and beneficial, but is The Way Things Are Done, and that to even entertain the notion of doing things any other way, is simply unacceptable.

People don’t like being told they’re wrong, especially when they already know it, and spend so much energy on trying to tell themselves otherwise, just so they can keep going… for whatever purpose they feel connected to. They don’t like being reminded that their delusions are false, and that they have no better alternative than delusions, to help them cope with a world and a self that will never be what they want. And if they don’t want to acknowledge the nature of the problem, then they have decided not to solve it, as the delusion seems more appealing to them.

Sometimes, there is no solution, and so we must delude ourselves in a way to lessen the suffering of lacking the means to fulfill that requirement.

I always recommend a full understanding of the problem, prior to deciding that delusion is the only way to handle it. If everyone decides to simply not solve the problems, despite solutions being possible, with effort… then the problems never get solved, become impossible, and then reinforce the appeal of delusions, and even remove any other option from viability, which then forces people to either delude themselves, or suffer endlessly without any chance at a viable solution.

You gotta figure out what’s wrong, to figure out how to fix it, or if it even can be fixed. And if you discover it can’t be fixed, then the only thing you can do is try to figure out how to live with the conditions resulting from being unable to solve it.

And if you’re like me, you’ll realize that neither solutions nor delusions are effective, and neither can you find a way to live acceptably, and you will then be forced to understand things that most people never will… because in the absence of solutions, most people seem to find a set of delusions that works for them… which also produces the side effect of them not understanding the experience of not even having delusions to fall back on.

And then you’ll realize: most people are “crazy,” or just full of shit. And it’s going to stay that way. And you can’t integrate with people who embrace the mindset of deluding themselves instead of solving problems. And then you realize: that’s pretty much everyone… and the only way to live without integrating into those constructs, is to make enough money to not need cooperation or community at all, which is, unfortunately, very expensive, and not available to people who lack solutions, and can’t integrate into the systems which could provide access to the means to do so.