Hello everyone,
First of all, thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this.
I’m new here. That is, this is my first post here, but I have to admit that I’ve been lurking here for a while. I found this site a couple of months ago or so, and while the fact that this site exists at all makes me very sad, and I sort of feel bad for posting here, it seems like this is the only place where I’d be able ask for advice on something I’ve been struggling with lately. But first of all, I’d like to mention that English is not my first language, and ask you to please forgive my linguistic mistakes 🙂
I’ll try to avoid talking too much about my background. However, I will say that the first time I seriously contemplated suicide was more than ten years ago. Since then, my situation has become much worse, and recently it’s become completely clear to me that there is only one possible solution. The only thing that’s been keeping me here for the past few months is my conscience — I don’t want to risk making the people I love feel guilty. I’m certain that my family and friends would actually be better off without me, but I do realise that one or two of them might struggle with guilt at first, because that’s how they are. I know I would feel terribly guilty if one of my loved ones committed suicide, so I don’t want to put anyone else through that. I am, however, trying to find some sort of solution to this problem.
But I have another problem, which leads me to my questions: Firstly, does anyone here know anything about possible legal repurcussions of suicide in Nordic countries? I’m mostly concerned about my family and friends, but also about a couple of medical staff who have actually helped me. I don’t want anyone to be punished for my choice in any way. I could also use some help with regards to what I need to remember when it comes to making a will. Would it be enough to write my final wishes down in a letter, or could that create problems — financially or otherwise — for my family? I’m in the process of researching these things myself, but given my mental state this has proven to be difficult, and so far I haven’t been able to find much useful information. Consequently, I’m asking these questions here.
Thank you for your time, and I wish you all the best.
11 comments
Hi bluerabbitheart.
Sorry to hear that you want out.
I’ve looked a bit online regarding Denmark, where I live. As far as I can see, there are two cases that could get people into trouble:
1) If they knowingly help you kill yourself.
2) If they unwittingly help you kill yourself, through negligence.
I am no lawyer or law student, and this is only for Denmark.
Regarding the will, in Denmark the undertakers have this document called “Min sidste vilje” you can fill out stating your last will. I don’t know about the other countries. But that is mostly about funeral arrangements.
I would talk to a lawyer (maybe just in casual conversation) about the will thing. It is not uncommon for young people to want to get that in order, so it needn’t raise any eyebrows.
I feel like shit for giving you this advice.
Please don’t kill yourself 🙁
Maybe you could share your reasons here? Most people here are (as you may have found out, during your lurking fase) friendly.
muspelhem,
Thank you very much for your kind reply. I have to admit that I didn’t really expect anyone to comment on my post, so I’m very thankful that you did. When I saw your reply, I was actually happier than I’ve been in months. This may sound strange, but it provided some much needed comfort 🙂
In a way I can understand why you feel bad for giving me advice on this, and I’m touched by your concern, but please don’t feel guilty. Your advice is not what will make me go ahead and try to take my own life. I’ve known for years that I would most likely do it at some point, and, as I said in my post, things have become far worse since I first came close to attempting suicide. And besides — as long as I’m able to stay somewhat rational, I won’t do it quite yet. As much as I want to end it all right now, and it’s often very hard not to just go ahead and try, I need to take care of a few things first. What I’m trying to say is that I’ve thought a whole lot about this, and if, at some point, I succeed in killing myself, that is in no way because of your reply to my post here. If anything, your reply has actually calmed me down and taken away some of my desperation. And depression and desperation is of course a potentially lethal combination.
Thank you for the information and suggestions on some of the legal aspects of this. Concerning those two cases that could cause trouble for the ones that are left behind, I’m a bit worried about the second one. Could the therapists I’ve been seeing be affected by this?
When it comes to my reasons for wanting to die, I think they are too many and too “complicated” to explain here (some of them are connected in ridiculously intricate ways). However, one major reason is that I have a chronic condition for which there is no cure.
Thanks very much for your time and effort, and please take care… Considering that you’re also a member of this site, I hope you’re as okay as you can be. I’d like to ask you what you asked me; please don’t harm yourself in any way. I don’t know you, but I’ll be thinking about you.
This is what this website is for so you shouldn’t be feeling guilty at all in fact whether this be major or minor to you unconsciously made a step towards recovery by asking a question.
This may seem unreasonable for a stranger to ask of you but I’d like you to before you do anything to rethink this all.
You talked about your loved ones and how you don’t want them to feel guilty or get in trouble for your actions. LOVED ONES, you obviously have people to live for and if you feel guilty you shouldn’t be leaving them at all because obviously you care for them and they most likely care for you as well.
Ultimately, this decision affects you but it’s also going to affect everyone around you but that’s not the focus. The focus is you and since you have loved ones I urge you to try and talk to them… Maybe it’s just not the people you love that can still tie you to this world maybe you have some things you still wanna do? If you make this decision now you’ll never get to do those things and depending on your what you believe you may or may not get to have another opportunity to be surrounded by them again.
So, please just think this over.
transcendent_,
Thank you for your caring and thoughtful reply.
You’re right, of course. However, I have already thought a lot about the things you mention, and my only real reason for staying alive is that I don’t want to harm the ones I leave behind. On the other hand, I don’t think I can keep living for the sake of others very much longer. Yes, there are a lot of people I love, and I know that there are a few who genuinely care for me as well. But to be honest, I’m not *really* close to anyone, and I can’t talk to any of the people I love about how I truly feel. So now I find myself faking everything on a completely new level instead. In fact, a few people have said that they think that I seem to be feeling better lately.
You’re absolutely right when you say that there could be other things in addition to the people I love to keep me here. Actually, that line of thinking has kept me alive for years. Unfortunately, and for several reasons, this strategy isn’t working anymore.
Still, as I have things to take care of, there will be time for me to reconsider. I will keep what you’ve said in mind 🙂 Thank you very much for your time and concern, and please take care.
I believe that it is a standard law, if people knowingly assist, or negligently provide you with the means to do so it can lead to legal ramifications. I do know that if you wright a letter with the date, time, and signature and mail it to yourself; if you do not open it, it is a certified letter because of the postmark. Therefore, this would likely suffice as a final will. I also hate to give you the information, but you seem to have given it a lot of thought. If you don’t mind me asking, what is your chronic condition and how old are you?
ashley68,
Thank you very much for this information. And yes, you are right; I have given this a ton of thought, especially over the course of the past six months. And I thank you for recognising and acknowledging that. Please don’t feel bad. If you do, I’d like to ask you to read the second paragraph of my reply to muspelhem again, because it applies to you too 🙂
I don’t know if you live in one of the Nordic countries as well, but what you write about sending a letter to myself is a useful piece of information in any case. I didn’t know about that, so I will try to investigate this further.
About my chronic condition, I’m not quite ready to state what it is at this point. Perhaps I will be later, though… I just need to think about it for a while. But I’m grateful for your concern. What I can tell you is that my condition is not terminal, and that I’m in my late 20s.
Take care, and please stay safe… And thank you again for your considerate reply. I find it very touching that complete strangers take time out of their lives to help me, like all of you have.
Hey blue,
You are so young, I am only 31, but I feel far older at times. I hope that you find some peace in your heart before you finalize your plan. The world can deal us some heavy blows. You sound like a spectacular person and I am thankful that I have been blessed in my lifetime to have had even this small contact with you.
ashley,
Thank you very much for your kind words. I can’t even begin to describe how deeply they touch me. It’s funny, I was just about to leave a comment on your post and tell you more or less exactly the same thing when I saw your reply here. You strike me as the sort of person who makes this world a better place. Please take care.
Hey 🙂
Thanks for your kind reply. And for taking my feelings into account. I’m sorry you’re in this spot (sorry, that doesn’t really do it justice).
I hope you’ll eventually feel safe enough to share how you feel with people. It might not help your condition, but I have personally found it very useful to me to be completely upfront/honest about everything, with everyone. I got so tired of fighting alone. And it’s such a relief to not have to pretend anything to anyone. I finally feel like, when I feel bad, it’s not my fault or something. Sorry, that was a lot about me. To answer your question, I’ve been confused/depressed for about a decade, diagnosed, parked on medication which didn’t exactly help. I’m trying to taper off it at the moment, and feeling quite good.
As ashley wrote, you seem like such a great person. I hope the best for you. If I can help with anything, say so.
🙂
Hi,
Thank you. I’m sorry about your situation too, but I’m relieved to hear that you feel okay at the moment. I wish you the best of luck with getting off your medication in a safe and comfortable way… and with everything else.
I’m grateful that you share your experiences with me. Telling people how I truly feel is virtually impossible for me, though… I come from a family that don’t talk about feelings, and there are so many things I wouldn’t dare to tell anyone anyway. But you’re right — fighting on your own and constantly having to pretend does wear you out eventually. Hearing about your experience with sharing is encouraging.
Thank you so much for saying that — and likewise! Here I was worried about getting negative comments if I posted anything on this site, and then I meet you wonderful people instead. Here’s an e-hug for you 😉 Take care, and all the best.
Aw, thanks 🙂 Hugs