for once i felt finally okay
i felt good
i felt like i was going to recover soon
but then it came crashing down
this wave of depression
it hit me and it hurt me
everything started coming back again
the nightmares, the voices, everything
the urge to cut is greater now
ive found out more ways to hurt myself
it doesnt do any good though
but i do like and i dont know why
i started eating full meals
a few days ago
but now that has changed
i can feel my family stare
as i go to get food
judging me
watching me
im going to stop eating
its going to be just like it was
im going to lie now
say that im okay and fine
but in reality im not
it used to be that i ate only
a few crackers each day
i guess im going back to that now
i guess im going back to my old habits
i just want it to end
i want to stop making mistakes
i want to stop being a fuck up
i want to stop
i want to stop living
it hurts that i cant
it hurts.
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1 comment
Keep your water intake in check, three and a half litres each day should see you right. I fight with the “no eatey for you” monster every now and again, but water always helps out. Well, that and barley sugar sweets too. I’ve backtracked every now and then with certain aspects of my life, but I recovered and found myself +1 better…and you can too.
For me, what hurts the most is the pain inflicted by means other than purely physical; the psychological trauma is what will beat us down most, but we need to have mental fortitude in order to make any gains whatsoever.
Your screen name says it all: the hardest part for any of us is to “let it go.”