Tag:

everything

first revealing of my disastrous life

by mysadsadiary 4/22/2022

written by mysadsadiary

D1,

My life is a disaster, at least in my point of view.

I think about suicide, although I know I’m not capable of doing it. ‘What if I killed myself right now?’ I think.
Would someone even care? Some of them would, but it would heal very fast. I commonly try to ignore that.

Firstly, I want to say something that made me happy today: finding this website. My life has been so devastating and anxious, and that’s not even the worst part! The worst is that I don’t trust anyone completely to tell them my problems and thoughts. I’m […]

4/22/2022 1 comment

i want to disappear but not die?

by randomthoughts57 4/14/2020

written by randomthoughts57

I don’t really know what do with myself anymore. I think that these thoughts are gone but they aren’t. I finally had gotten rid of them but they came back. I don’t even know why I have them too. I have a great life and I am very grateful. So why the heck do I still feel like this.

My thoughts are that I just want to leave. For ever not to another state just leave this earth. But I don’t want to die? I don’t want to hurt anyone. I just want to disappear from this earth and everyone forget I was a person. But […]

4/14/2020 3 comments

Hi, I’m blue

by blue. 1/11/2020

written by blue.

Hi guys, I finished ‘My heart and other black holes’ a few minutes ago. I was reading it second time. Why? Because I feel so bad. I know that I have a lot of mental health problems… yeah… who haven’t here… but sometimes is worse. You know this time in your life (day, week, month) when you feel worse. Worse than normal. I don’t know what I want to say in this post. Maybe I need some space to write about my feelings. I study abroad in London from September. That was my dream, this is my dream. I had been thinking about it since […]

1/11/2020 5 comments

Me

by bitchesbrokenhearts 12/20/2019

written by bitchesbrokenhearts

I’ve pushed many people away. Maybe I can end it and no one would care. Maybe this is a cry for help, or me ranting. Either way, I hope this pain will stop.

12/20/2019 0 comment

Being a good and nice person is not enough

by niki 12/17/2019

written by niki

You also must be ‘smart’ especially in terms of knowing how to make money. And often times, that also means you also have to be opportunistic, follow the system & rules (just like everybody else), even be cunning, sly, ruthless, brash, full of tricks, greedy, selfish, ready to step on other people who are ‘weaker’ (eg: poorer, etc).

Money is everything in our modern society today, unfortunately. It’s all about money nowadays. And if you can’t beat the system, then you have to join them. Everyday you are forced to survive, or for survival. And if you’re not strong enough to follow the system/rules, then too […]

12/17/2019 3 comments

My way of goodbyes

by slowly-leaving 7/18/2019

written by slowly-leaving

I wrote a letter yesterday to my grandma telling her to not blame herself for my decision. No one was to blame for what I have done. I lost my papa in 2017 and I have not coped well since then. I died with him and I have finally understood what that meant. My boyfriend has tried to help me but I don’t share my feelings. So my decision comes from only me. I am alone and have always been alone. No matter how many people I surround myself with, I have always felt alone.

It makes things like this easier because I don’t have anyone […]

7/18/2019 1 comment

8:55pm

by plasticflower 6/20/2019

written by plasticflower

long time no post!!!

i always randomly remember i have this account right when i need it. a whole lot has happened since the last time i posted anything, and honestly it hasn’t been too bad; bearable, i’d say. obviously, there’s many times i wanna sleep forever (guess who still isn’t able to sleep properly!!!!) but on may of last year i started going to university, so i don’t have much time to do anything basically. it’s definitely been an experience and i’m mostly happy about it; i feel like i chose something i could be good at. i just fear that everything that has happened […]

6/20/2019 0 comment

i don’t know what to fucking do anymore

by unknown 5/1/2019

written by unknown

i’m 18 and i have a three year old, i still live with my parents for support but i can’t do it anymore. mentally. they’re constantly bringing me down. everyday they walk into the house i feel myself tense up. get frustrated. i can never say anything because they’re my support system. if i had a way out to make money some how i’d get out of here in a heart beat. i’ve even thought about killing myself it’s gotten that bad. but i can’t stand the thought of leaving my son in this hellhole with them. i have it so good here but what’s […]

5/1/2019 5 comments

it´s been a while

by plasticflower 12/9/2018

written by plasticflower

i haven´t been here for over a year, and i really need to empty my brain, so here´s a bit of the mess that´s going on in my head

i tried to hide it more, so they wouldn´t notice. I guess I got too good at hiding it because now she thinks i´m doing so much better. And maybe I am, but it doesn´t really feel like it. I feel like soon i´ll break; and I don´t know if I can or want to stop it. Today she said, “I think you´re doing much better now. Do you still think you need to see a therapist?”. […]

12/9/2018 1 comment

I have been living a lie

by anonym254 11/19/2018

written by anonym254

https://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/PROJ-85.mp3

I can’t stop shaking.

I’ve been lying to my parents for 3 years. They think I’m about to graduate from university when in fact I haven’t been going to school. My parents are so proud of me. It’s all a lie. I honestly don’t know what to do right now. I have no friends, I have nobody except for my parents, where do I even begin to pick up my life? The son that they love is a complete lie, he doesn’t exist. i have had really bad social anxiety and depression that i haven’t been able to even get up and go to class.My […]

11/19/2018 7 comments

Reality is boring ! Real life is boring ! Real world is boring ! Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress !

by niki 4/14/2018

written by niki

Reality is boring, Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress.

Although technology have been progressing rapidly nowadays, yet sadly in many aspects, Humanity/Mankind/Society still have slow progress; Everyday is still the same day & problems over and over again repeatedly.

I believe that in order to make a real progress for Humanity / Mankind, we must quickly focus & do the followings:

1) We must move beyond money & politics. It is outdated. A lot of problems in this world today basically stems from these two root causes (& also superstitions especially in religion, as well as in Ignorance & Stupidity due to failure in […]

4/14/2018 5 comments

Going Blind

by ShesAnAcid 3/22/2018

written by ShesAnAcid

This is my first time writing here and also writing about this so openly. I don’t know where do I start, but I do know when will all of this ends, very soon actually. I’m on the edge now which isn’t so very surprising considering there are about millions who are like me too, some, worse than me. It saddens me that I’m just one of those millions who suffer like this, that I’m only a part of some statistics scientists conduct every year. That I’ll never be someone, I’ll just be a part of something bigger. And soon, no one will remember that I […]

3/22/2018 8 comments

I wish I live in movies, books, novels, comics, anime, video games. Real world / Real life / Reality is boring & depressing.

by niki 1/26/2018

written by niki

Honestly, I just can’t understand nor fathom why Most / Majority of people can go watch movies, read cool, creative, imaginative books / novels / anime / comics, or play super imaginative & fantasy video games, and then later on they just go back to reality, as if nothing happens, and they’re ok with everything.

I hate to say this, but Most people simply just lack Imaginations. Even worse, Most people are boring. All people care in the everyday’s reality & their lives is just the most superficial, mundane, boring, & stupid things. Which is very depressing, especially when you feel like you’re just alone & […]

1/26/2018 4 comments

Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !

by niki 10/28/2017

written by niki

Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !

Human’s imagination is better than reality !

Movie / Movies is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Game / Games is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Comic / Comics book is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Novel / Novels is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Science fiction ( sci-fi […]

10/28/2017 2 comments

I really want to die

by Demonqueen 7/8/2017

written by Demonqueen

… But I’m scared of failure.
Will I be paralysed?
Brain damaged?

Fail and I’ll be watched and not able to reattempt.

………………..

Vent.

I have mental health, undiagnosed… But imo it is severe.

Vent.

I’m almost 26. Literally everybody I’ve met this year thought I was 12.
When I was 15…. Everybody thought I was 10-12.
You get the picture.
I’m paedo bait.
Not everyday you get to legally “bang” a “12” year old.

Lost count of the times middle aged men have tried to prostitute me and continue on to tell me they thought i was 12-14.

Walking home today with my mum and her partner and […]

7/8/2017 2 comments

at night

by plasticflower 5/29/2017

written by plasticflower

i just got home from working, and it’s 11pm. normally, my brother waits for his wife to get home and then go to bed, but i guess it’s only for her. they’re both asleep. i guess they don’t care, and i don’t blame them for that, nor am i mad at them. i just found it a bit sad.
in other news, this morning was very difficult for some reason; having said this, i was really struggling to not harm myself. i managed somehow, but at work i did get hurt many times, though not on purpose. at least i don’t think so.
life has […]

5/29/2017 7 comments

people; getting stuff out of my head

by plasticflower 5/23/2017

written by plasticflower

even though i can’t feel anything and my brain is a blur, i can still pretend everything’s fine, and people believe it. don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing; i guess it’s a bit of both.
about a week ago, i was told that people saw me as someone composed and mature, and that i seem to be happy even when there’s bad things going on; that it helps others feel better. and i legitimately laughed out loud when i heard that.
off topic, but being a young person who just moved to the other side of the world is hard. wow, […]

5/23/2017 1 comment

brain junk

by plasticflower 5/22/2017

written by plasticflower

words won’t come out.
talking and expressing anything seems like too much work, or like something too complicated that i can’t figure out.
and when i do try to reach out and open up to others, it always goes wrong. i try telling someone about the panic attack i had, and they assume i’m lying and then proceed to tell me i’m not trying hard enough, and that only makes everything harder for everyone. they tell me to try harder.
i thought i was trying my best. and i was. but it seems like, once again, my best wasn’t enough.
i tried to open up, […]

5/22/2017 2 comments

I’m just Lost on what to do. Help.

by ManAlone 4/27/2017

written by ManAlone

I have this one friend, that I really love, like I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life with her. I really want to spend the rest of my life with her actually.

But thing is that she’s depressed. She’s suicidal, and I want to help her but I don’t have a clue what to do, I’m afraid I might say the wrong things when I’m trying to help her. She told me she was about to be hospitalized for her depression and she doesn’t know how long she’ll be in there. I don’t know if she’ll have access to her phone and other stuff […]

4/27/2017 2 comments

The Stars are Too Bright Not to be Seen

by every_nightfall 3/9/2017

written by every_nightfall

A few days ago, a classmate noticed the cuts on my wrist.

Today, a friend of mine saw the cuts too.

I told them it was nothing, that I only got them for being mean to cats (Don’t get me wrong, I love cats.). I know what I said was such an awful thing to say especially when even you can see the truth beyond your own lie. It’s just that I couldn’t quite think of anything to use as an alibi anymore.

I’m afraid sooner, more people would start to notice the slashes on my wrist and think I’m a weirdo, or worse they might think I’m someone […]

3/9/2017 4 comments

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