Instead of cutting my leg or stomach like I usually do, I made a few slits on my wrist. Not deep….but I was satisfied with the amount of blood I drew. Fucked up, I know.
The thing is now it’s gonna be harder to hide. I think I’m finally getting my courage to go further to the vitals. If the rope doesn’t beat the knife to it.
Boy oh boy. Sorry if this is a trigger to any of you. I don’t even know why I feel the need to say this stuff.
I just don’t understand people’s fascination to live same as they can’t understand my fascination of death.
Sick of being sick. Oh yes. So tired.
16 comments
Dear Buscetti,
I don’t currently know your real name, but I’m sure you’re the kind of person that I would like to know 🙂 I don’t know if you believe in God or not, and I’m not suggesting you get all religious or anything like that, but have you ever tried to just scream out to any God anywhere and ask that God if he is there to prove himself to you that he’s there? Follow me in this simple prayer: “God, if you are there, anywhere, I’m feeling horrible right now! I don’t understand why other people just seem to love to live when I am in such misery and wish I would die! I don’t understand it! If you are there, please do something! I’ve come to the end of myself, please help me!”
And remember, I will always be your friend 🙂
J
Thank you my friend for your thoughtful words. Yes, I do believe in God, as I am catholic. Just yesterday I actually got pretty mad at God and said if all of this (meaning depression and suicidal tendencies and everything else that’s led up to this point) was part of his plan, then he’s really doing a good job. (I was being sarcastic). My faith isn’t great. I’m thinking of just kicking the bucket soon, and before I do, I want to tell God, “okay, if I’m meant to be alive let me wake up in the morning.”
My real name is Gianna. And thank you for being a friend. I will be yours too.
Can I give you my email address (my junk email address hahah!) so that we can talk personally?
My junk email address is in case of spammers.
Please don’t kick the bucket. I mean, I would be so sad if you were gone…
Hello
I’m gonna check this in the morning until you reply.
Sure, if it would make you feel better to give an email. I don’t know what can be said to me that already hasn’t in an attempt to “see the light”. I just don’t want to be sick and I’m too tired to fight through it anymore.
workalot@inbox.com
from there I can give you my number if you’d like maybe. send me an email so we can establish communication. That is, if you’re ok with that 🙂
Have you ever considered snake-handling for the lord? That sounds like it could produce the same effect as “okay, if I’m meant to be alive let me wake up in the morning.†Except, you know, way more exhilarating for all parties involved.
My best advice: Steal a bottle of communion wine, get drunk, puke, blame god, think you’re dying, and wake up in the morning and eat a large breakfast.
add the “@” sign in between the two addresses and you have the address. I see the address above is “awaiting moderation” so I decided to repost it below.
workalot inbox.com
@thereishope: starting off with email sounds better if you want to talk with me.
@ninth_amendment: I’m not the adventurous type, so no stealing wine and playing with snakes for me.
Yeh so just send me an email when you want to ’cause I can’t send you one. I don’t have your address.
Gianna@buscetti.com
It’s late here….so I can send you message in the morning. Unless you send me one and I reply in the morning
I appreciate your kindness.
Late here too….good night. Just wanted to establish contact before I leave my computer.